Late Show with David Letterman (1993)

Tom Brokaw shows up to take back some NBC ""intellectual property;"" Dave shows off the renovated Ed Sullivan Theater and chats with Bill Murray.

Dave's worst moment on last night's debut: his fake tooth fell out (the video is repeated several times in slow motion); a four-year-old geography expert and cheese lover names states on a U.S. map.

A very pregnant Demi Moore is given the honor of throwing the first pencil through the backdrop windows of the Late Show.

The ghost of Ed Sullivan (who haunts Dave throughout the first week) introduces a plate spinner; Andy Dick makes his first appearance as ""Donnie, the CBS Page Who Likes To Suck Up.""

Dave has fun with a car phone, calling in bogus traffic reports to 1010 WINS radio; Casey Kasem presents ""Top Ten Favorite Numbers Between 1 and 10;"" after showing a clip from an old ""Wonder Woman"" episode, Debra Winger strips to her old Wonder Girl outfit.

Dave continues pestering locals with the new hands-free car phone: WINS radio, a car wash, Dial-a-Mattress and Jackson Hole Restaurant, where he orders pancakes.

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Dave takes a cab to help out at Yankee Stadium and later makes fun of Tony Randall; Lenny Kravitz performs ""Are You Gonna Go My Way.""

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The Mars Observer crashes into the studio; Mike Ditka promotes ""NFL on NBC;"" John Hiatt performs ""Perfectly Good Guitar.""

Jerry Garcia sits in with the band; Dave makes several jokes at the expense of Yassir Arafat.

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David Sanborn sits in with the band; Dave does part of the show from his ""house"" in Connecticut.

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Ed Sullivan's ghost introduces juggler ""Andy Head;"" Paul & the CBSO play Jerry Lewis out with the coda from Count Basie's ""April In Paris"" (a Lewis signature tune); Dave gives Jerry his take on ""Beavis and Butt-head,"" then Jerry runs around the set and gooses a cameraman; budding sports reporter Sparky Mortimer makes his first appearance; Rod Stewart performs.

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Dave's high-rise buddy Meg Parsont (at a different building) makes her first and only appearance on CBS -- giving a description of her boyfriend Tony to a police sketch artist.

Johnny Cash sings ""Don't Take Your Guns to Town.""

Dave looks at new books for fall; Andy Dick returns as ""Donnie ... the CBS Page Who Likes to Suck Up.""

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""Celebrities in the Audience"" makes its first appearance on the new show, as guests from previous shows are introduced in the crowd -- Glenn Close, Sylvester Stallone, Jerry Lewis, Jimmy Carter, Siskel & Ebert and Bob Borden.

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Natalie Merchant - ""Because the Night""

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Mary Tyler Moore treats Late Show viewers to a video clip of Dave from her 1978 variety show, ""Mary,"" in which she smashes a grapefruit in Dave's face. Also, Dave, Biff, Gaines, Anton and Laurie Diamond get their teeth cleaned.

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""Meet the Neighbors,"" conclusion: The outside cam goes to K & L's Rock America to see Mujibur Rahman and Sirajul Islam, and Dave has them round up Bart Dadon, Fern Chapnick, Rupert Jee, Alexandra Mitsakis and Charlie Levy from the nearby stores and businesses.

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Throughout the night, Calvert reports from the parade; as he does every year, Dave guesses what pies his mother made this Thanksgiving; Gabriel Byrne plugs ""Point of No Return.""

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In ""Bad Phone Call,"" Dave calls the father of Michelle Polikas to tell him she's living with Bob Howard. Also, Dave takes two suckers away from Angel the camera man, and he gives them to Bob and Michelle.

Mandy Patinkin drops by (along with Tony Randall), and asks for rehearsal time. Before Dave gets a chance to say no, Mandy and the CBS Orchestra perform a fully-arranged ""Rockabye Your Baby.""

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Dave buys Paul a fake Rolex off the street; Chris Elliott is on hand for the world premiere of his surrealist art film ""The Traveling Poet.""

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Dave visits some handwriting analysts; Rush Limbaugh promotes his new book.

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Dave comments on FOX taking away CBS' NFL coverage; strongman Dennis ""Mighty Mite"" Rogers lifts weights.

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Chris Elliott performs the title song from ""Cabaret;"" legendary violinist Itzhak Perlman follows with a rendition of ""Danse Espagnole."" After Perlman's performance, Dave wants to go backstage and slap Chris.

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The ghost of Ed Sullivan introduces trampoline star Tom Boleen; Troy Aikman throws footballs into cabs on Broadway, and later, from a trampoline.

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George Carlin promotes his new sitcom; Calvert drops by as ""The Guy Who Thinks Dave's Name is Randy.""

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Dave gets dragged by a cab; the cast of ""Cats"" runs into the Ed Sullivan Theater to take a bow.

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Concrete Blonde – ""Mexican Moon""

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Dave comments on the upcoming Winter Olympics in Norway; staff members Debbie Drimmer, Rick Scheckman and John Beckerman tell all about their vacations last week.

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Peter Frampton sits in; Dave discusses Clinton's health care plan with a group of cab drivers; seven-year-old sheep handler Amanda Archiletta does an on-stage demonstration.

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James - ""Laid""

Throughout the night, champion canines from the Westminster Dog Show walk across the stage; Dorothy does a little shopping in Lillehammer.

Dorothy interviews Tommy Moe; Phil Hartman promotes Greedy.

David Sanborn sits in with the band; Dave surveys residents of Scotch Plains, NJ about the Olympics; Bebe Neuwirth promotes ""Damn Yankees"" and her anticipated guest appearance on ""Frasier.""

Dave proposes marriage on behalf of an audience member; UB40 performs ""Higher Ground.""

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Two guys pretending to be Dave and Paul ice skate; Laurence Fishburne promotes Searching for Bobby Fischer.

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Dorothy recaps her two weeks in Lillehammer; Michael J. Fox promotes Greedy.

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Dave shows an anonymous gift (Jonathan Estrada, maybe?) of a block of cheese shaped like Oklahoma. Also, up-and-coming singer-songwriter Sheryl Crow performs ""Leaving Las Vegas.""

Ten cabbies present the Top Ten; Diane Sawyer sneaks in footage of Dave from his weatherman days; Chris Elliott shows a clip from his new movie ""Poolside Ecstasy.""

""New Pharmaceuticals"" include ""Hot 'n' Spicy Tylenol,"" ""L'eggs Metal Pipe Resistant Pantyhose,"" and ""Nipsey's Own Anti-Bacterial Ointment."" Regis interrupts the segment to tell Dave he's not even trying anymore. Also, during her annual Oscars special, Barbara Walters makes Dave cry.

New York native Gurnek Basanti drives his cab into the theater; Dave devours an entire tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

Dave brags about the birth of his nephew; Buck Henry promotes his new book.

""Can a Guy in a Bear Suit Get into the Hard Rock Cafe?"" Apparently, he can do it with ease, but ""Can a Guy in a Bear Suit Get into the Russian Tea Room?"" Without hesitation, our hero gets a table for one.

Dave watches a live feed of himself watching the show at home while he's taping the show in the theater. Shots include toasting waffles, crying to Kenny Rogers music, milking a goat, and bothering Dan Rather. Also, Madonna drops by to plug her new album, spews profanities with aplomb, then refuses to leave.

A day after Madonna arouses/grosses out the American viewing public by, among other things, offering Dave her underwear, Charles Grodin comes on the show tonight to offer his. Later, musical guest Elvis Costello and the Attractions perform ""13 Steps Lead Down,"" and the nerd-rocker gives Dave his sock.

Dave can't seem to remove his shoe, and with no shoehorn available, he runs outside and asks a cab driver to run over his foot.

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Paul Newman jumps out of the audience, claiming to take a powder when he learns that Madonna won't be on. Instead, he walks across Broadway to see Cats.

Shortly after a baseball-themed Top Ten, Dave goes on a brief rant about how overpaid the players are.

Tonight marks the Late Show debut of ""The Strong Guy, the Fat Guy, the Genius,"" which pits three men of said traits against each other in various undertakings. Of the three rounds of play, they each win one competition.

Mujibur and Sirajul make a visit to Mickey the barber, and they promptly receive free haircuts. Soon afterwards, Don Rickles goes in for a trim. Also, Liz Phair (in her first appearance on the show) performs ""Never Said.""

""Rejected FDA Items"" include Medicated Pringles, Tic-Tacs with Real Ticks and Tacks, Deodorant with Raisins, Milk with Adjustable Dates, and Madonna Soap; Lyle Lovett and Al Green perform ""Funny How Time Slips Away.""

During Mailbag, Dave discusses a certain much-publicized divorce with ""Roseanne Arnold"" (Gerard). Later, he chats with Boston Marathon winner Uta Pippig.

Dave names Jimmy Johnson as the new head coach of the show; Ellen DeGeneres promotes ""These Friends of Mine.""

Future Dave lead-in Tom Snyder promotes his new (and ultimately doomed) Larry King-style cable talk show.

Dave notices an empty seat in the third row, so he brings in a guy from outside to fill it.

Dave finds a stray blue card on his desk and returns it to Regis and Kathie Lee. Also, Gin Blossoms perform ""Hey Jealousy.""

Donny Osmond and Calvert star in the Late Show's version of the Menendez Brothers' life story.

Dave tries to wake up and gets soaked with Gatorade; Tony Randall helps Mandy Patinkin practice a musical number; Dave ""grills"" seven-year-old hole expert Daniel Lowe.

Dave harasses hotel doormen, and later he chats with NFL draft pick Dan Wilkinson.

The outside cam heads to Times Square, during which Dave invites passerby Amy Butler in to co-host. Later in the show, Dave and Amy reflect on the wonderful weather (he's really just flirting with her).

Dave gets a parking ticket; Robin Williams promotes ""Comic Relief VI.""

Throughout the night, we have an assortment of ""Happy Endings,"" providing a satisfying coda to unusual situations. Also, Dave shows a sample of the new ""Caning Strength Bufferin.""

Dave brings out 70 cases of Gatorade that were received after the stunt in Show #149. Later, he goes up to his office to watch the CBS Evening News.

Dave discusses politics with a bunch of cabbies; Chris Farley demonstrates his physically demanding comedy routine; Sharon Stone waltzes with one of the cabbies.

Dave takes his show to LA for the first time since 1985. Dave throws a pencil into a wading pool that's behind his desk, and a dog retrieves it. Dave then gets into the pool to give the pencil to the dog. Later, another pencil is retrieved from the pool by Billy Crystal; ""Mayor Richard Riordan"" (Calvert) presents the Top Ten; Ray Charles performs ""What'd I Say?""

L.A., Day 2: Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda is seen gulping down Slim-Fast; Dodgers pitchers Orel Hershiser, Roger McDowell, Tom Candiotti and Jim Gott hurl fastballs toward the camera.

LA, Day 3: Dave ends the show early, and then flies back to New York. Paul finds him working the cashier at K&L Rock America, so they bring Mujibur and Sirajul to CBS Television City. Also, Richard Simmons sabotages the Top Ten list because he thinks it's insulting.

L.A., Day 4: It's time for ""Los Angeles Souvenirs,"" including a Fabio Lawn Gnome, Record Industry Weasel Magazine, and a Honk-If-You've-Slept-with-Madonna bumper sticker. ""Madonna"" (Calvert) walks by to tell Dave he's/she's offended, and slaps him.

A very special guest presents the Top Ten (see recap); Bette Midler performs ""Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.""

Travis Tritt performs ""Foolish Pride,"" while Harvey Pekar actually censors himself, much to Dave's chagrin.

Dave finally has his photos from LA developed, and an audience guys helps him display the photos on the Times Square Jumbotron. Later in the show, all of tonight's guests (Slash, James Carville, and Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth) also have their photos taken for the Jumbotron.

It's time for more celebrities in the audience, including Michael J. Fox, Jerry Seinfeld, Paul Shaffer, Kathie Lee Gifford, and Bill Cobsy. Also, Carol Burnett promotes her made-for-TV movie Seasons of the Heart.

Dave quizzes the audience on last week's trip to LA.

Dave freshens up by walking outside the theater, towards a hot dog vendor, and washing his face in the dirty hot dog water. Also, Creepy Dave drops by annoy Dave again: ""What's up?""

Dave makes another bad phone call for an audience member; Rick Moranis promotes The Flintstones, and his interview is interrupted by co-star John Goodman; Tony cleans Dave's desk.

Dave is missing his opening ""billboard"" card with tonight's guests listed on them, so he leaves the theater, goes to the NBC Nightly News studio and gets it from a confused Tom Brokaw.

Dave finds a sports reporter from Indianapolis outside and invites him in; Dave launches ""Top Ten Plus,"" the quicker and more efficient Top Ten list; after Dave mocks a magazine with the headline ""Sweat with Fabio,"" the male model drops a sandbag on the desk, and Dave throws him out of the theater.

Jets take off at JFK Airport; Rosie O'Donnell promotes The Flintstones.

Dave helps Nancy Agostini find an apartment in the city; The Pretenders perform ""Night in My Veins.""

Dave escorts the Stand-by Audience (all 40 of 'em) to a restaurant a few blocks away from the Ed Sullivan Theater. He later invites sailors in the audience to visit FlashDancers across the street.

Dave hands out ""Warning Label"" props to the audience; another ""CBS Special Report"" finds Alan Richardson reporting on his socks.

Dave's coffee is cold, so he goes out and warms it himself with a taxi battery; George Miller comments on today's solar eclipse; Dave picks a dead fly off his sport coat.

An audience member plays a staged version of ""The Price is Right,"" and wins a can of flour. Also, Michael Buffer fills in for Billy Wendell, announcing tonight's guests (not to mention Paul and the flour guy) with his distinct baritone.

Mujibur and Sirajul begin their Coast-to-Coast Tour, leaving NYC on a private jet; Keanu Reeves promotes Speed; Dave interviews David Brenner about his new radio show, and oddly enough, Dave will be David's first guest on his radio show premiere the next day.

On their first leg of the Coast-to-Coast Tour, Mujibur and Sirajul report from Niagra Falls, saluting the US flag. Paul says the idea ""looked great on paper."" Also, Dave chats with Hakeem Olajuwon of the NBA Champion Houston Rockets.

Dave selects two audience members to receive tickets to Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Marv Albert hands out the tickets and shows a hockey blooper.

Three members of the 1994 Stanley Cup Champion New York Rangers drop by, and later they let Morty take a picture of the Cup.

Jon Lovitz laments the demise of ""The Critic;"" Sandra Bullock promotes Speed.

Stone Temple Pilots – ""Vasoline""

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After a technical error prevents it from being performed the previous night, Dave presents the rest of the ""NBA Finals Quiz."" Now feeling a little queasy due to all the stress of the past two nights, Dave points out that he has a body double that will stand in for him when the time comes for him to get medical attention. Also, Dan Rather sings ""Wreck of the Old 97.""

John Mellencamp – ""Wild Night""

On their latest stop, Mujibur and Sirajul get serenaded by Tom Jones in Las Vegas. Wondering who's been operating K&L Rock America while they've been gone, Dave finds Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert running the shop in their place.

Barbra Streisand walks on the set and gives Dave two tickets to her show at Radio City Music Hall. Dave gives them away to a woman in the audience.

""Coast to Coast with Mujibur and Sirajul"" -- tonight, they're fly-fishing in Madison Valley, Montana, with their teaching guide, Craig.

In a spoof of Home Shopping Network, Dave sells ""Dave and Paul Collection Plates,"" giving out the phone number of head writer Rob Burnett. Also, Dave invites Megan and Tim, a couple from Kansas City, in from the storm, gives them towels to dry off, and offers them seats by the spiral stairway, where they stay throughout the show.

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Dave takes a cue card from Tony Mendez, re-reads a joke and then has the cue card passed around the audience. Later, Calvert DeForest dresses up as Barbra Streisand and performs ""The Way We Were,"" and guest Richard Simmons sings a patriotic medley.

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Dave leaves the show after the monologue and heads upstairs to read Wresting Magazine with his face in a mud mask, and Paul retrieves him. Later, famed soccer commentator Andres Cantor repeats his most famous line to Dave: ""ggoooooooooaaaaaaallllll!""

The Runaway Camera is roaming the streets of New York City, getting squeegied, hit by a bike, down a manhole, running into Rupert Jee, and going into ""Cats"" and ""Flashdancers."" Later, in dueling clips, Dave shows embarassing clips of Tom Hanks from ""The Love Boat,"" ""Taxi,"" and ""Happy Days."" Tom retaliates with an embarassing clip of Dave from ""Mork and Mindy.""

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Dave returns to outside the Today Show set and displays his sign: ""Happy 100th Birthday, Willard""; in honor of the 25th anniversary of the moon landing, we see Dave accomplishing the same feat; Midnight Oil performs ""Sometimes.""

Ricki Lake promotes her supporting role in the upcoming Cabin Boy; Gary Sinise plugs Forrest Gump.

""Can a Guy in a Bear Suit Say Hello on a N. Y. C. Pay Phone?"" The answer? Mais oui! Also, one of the all-time great Stupid Pet Tricks makes a triumphant return when Kevin Dechico and his dog ""Air Buddy"" shoot hoops onstage.

Cold opening: Kenny Rogers tells Dave when to hold ‘um and when to fold ‘um. Dave also stops the show midway through to just kick back in his chair and relax, then reflect on the show thus far.

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Dave fills up a pothole outside the studio with joke cards; Jim Carrey's limo is towed away.

The pothole Dave filled up with blue joke cards the previous night is sealed by none other then Mayor Guiliani; the pothole is danced upon by several fabulous babes performing Rockette-style kicks; Gin Blossoms and Kiss perform ""Christine Sixteen.""

A severed head perks out of the pothole; a doctor stands in the backdrop in case Dave suddenly becomes sick during the show; Sirajul asks a group of fishermen in South Dakota what they think of hometown boy Tom Brokaw.

Dave comments on Tony's cue card work, then makes a bad phone call for an audience member with mother issues.

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Dave attends the Whitewater Hearings; up-and-coming starlet Cameron Diaz promotes ""The Mask""; Dave finally chats with Stevie Nicks (whose manager Dave criticized several years before).

The show is interrupted all night long by (bogus) CBS News special reports by anchor Alan Richardson, who sings, is beaten up by a bus driver, pitches Mountain Dew and swears about the prime lending rate.

After Dave sings a horrible rendition of ""Oklahoma,"" Paul demands to hear a better version. Soon after, John and Bonnie Raitt come on stage to show Dave how it's done.

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Dave and model Inna Mirovich toss back some vodka. Later, Howard Stern admits that he had to drop out of the New York governor's race because he refused to reveal his yearly income.

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Dave looks at ""What's On Other Channels;"" the Smothers Brothers perform.

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Rupert brings soup to tonight's guests; Dave reflects on the Michael Jackson-Lisa Marie Presley wedding.

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Throughout the night, an audience woman from Brooklyn kicks footballs.

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""Dropping Stuff Off the 8th Floor Window"" includes: champagne bottles, confetti, a TV monitor, presidential plates, fluorescent tubes, and bowling balls into a bathtub of pudding. The first two miss their mark; the third makes it but destroys the tub.

Dave comments on Robbie Kondor; a car alarm goes off outside the theater, so Dave goes outside and bombs the offending car; Chuck Berry sings ""Johnny B. Goode""; Zsa Zsa Gabor laments and spews profanities after discovering her car has been destroyed.

Hal Gurnee harasses taxi drivers by posting their images on the Times Square jumbotron.

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An audience member gives Dave a tiny pair of pants; Gavin MacLeod pops in several times, interrupting the monologue and presenting the Top Ten.

John Popper sits in with the band; Bill Murray tours Broadway; Macaulay Culkin promotes ""Richie Rich.""

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Tim Allen promotes his bestselling book, Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man.

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Two standby audience folks named Jenya and Gary are sent to take food to Dan Rather, courtesy of Rupert. Later, Mike Judge discusses his hit MTV show ""Beavis & Butt-head.""

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Calvert goes trick-or-treating in Nutley, New Jersey (Martha Stewart's hometown); Lauren Bacall plugs ""Pret-a-Porter"" (Ready to Wear).

John Popper sits in; throughout the night, Mujibur and Sirajul appear as correspondents on Court TV; Elijah Wood plugs North.

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Dave gets freshened up by a street sweeper; Rupert serves ""Bill Clinton Soup.""

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Live via telephone, Jerry Lewis pronounces the new governor's name ""Puh-tack-ee;"" ""Picket Fences"" star Fyvush Finkel sings ""If I Were a Rich Man;"" The Cranberries perform ""Zombie.""

Dave selects a woman from outside named Laurie Byrd to be his co-host tonight; Biff and George Clarke recreate a scene from the hit CBS miniseries ""Scarlett.""

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The outside cam reveals that Dave's picture in the window of Joe G's Pizza. Dave calls and distracts Joe while Paul steals the unflattering portrait; Jon Lovitz plugs North.

Roseanne makes a rare political statement; Dave's accountant Fred Nigro takes a bow.

Mujibur, Sirajul and Tony Randall take a photo together; tonight's celebrities in the audience: Mia Farrow, Eddie Murphy and Sharon Stone.

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One of tonight's cue cards goes to a garbage truck outside; in the latest edition of ""Rupert and Me,"" Dave radios strange comments to Rupert, which are then repeated out loud to annoyed passers-by; Nicholas Turturro sings ""My Way;"" Michael Keaton gets arrested for shoplifting at Hello Deli.

Cold Opening: Jim Carrey and an unshaven Dave goof around. Later in the show, Mickey, the barber at the Wellington Hotel, shaves off Dave's beard.

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Siskel and Ebert throw snowballs; Michael J. Fox walks onstage with a cow.

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Bad Religion performed ""Infected""

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During ""Charts and Graphs,"" Dave sends an audience member down the street for copies of a chart. Also, Dave calls the mother of a different audience member, but he ends up leaving a message on her machine.

A customer at Hello Deli shows Dave her holiday photos. Later, Dave checks his temperature (99.5 F).

Dave ends the show early yet again, and Paul finds him sobbing on the Ricki Lake show; Biff has champagne coming out of his ears; Dick Clark presents the Top Ten; Dave and Richard Simmons go harassing people door-to-door in New Jersey.

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Michael Buffer announces Phil Hartman's entry onstage; a comely postal carrier distracts Dave.

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Dave autographs a ham; Calvert (dressed as Newt Gingrich's mother) presents the Top Ten.

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An audience member hangs out in the band section; Mujibur and Sirajul become the latest witnesses to testify for O.J. Simpson.

Al Green performs ""Let's Stay Together.""

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Dave shows a (bogus) Super Bowl ad starring himself; Gerard presents ""Top Ten Signs You're Not the Sexiest Man Alive.""

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Rosanne Cash performs ""I Count the Tears.""

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Dave introduces the brand new ""Late Show Dancers,"" who prance around throughout the show. Also, 83-year-old Empire State Building employee Chico Chimone plays the piano.

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Dave sends three members from the audience to go to a nearby movie theater to videotape some clips from Pulp Fiction. They return in time to show the footage during John Travolta's guest appearance to promote the film. Also, Mujibur and Sirajul report from yesterday's Daytona 500.

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Cybill Shepherd promotes her new sitcom; Gary Sinise brags about the perks of being an Academy Award Nominee.

Wayne Newton (live via satellite) presents the Top Ten; Michael McKean comments on the recent troubles on the set of ""Saturday Night Live;"" David Byrne and the CBS Orchestra perform ""You & Eye.""

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Bernie Worrell sits in; Al Roker does a weather forecast; Dave retrieves a blue card from ""Forrest Gump"" (Calvert); Jeff Goldblum tap dances.

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Dave sends the standby audience to The Gap to purchase and wear matching outfits before they're allowed to return to the theater. By the end of the show, they are all wearing identical sweaters and khakis. (correct synopsis)

On the first Letterman show ever aired on this date, Bill Cosby, Tito Puente, and Dave climb a ladder up to the balcony, and Luke Perry does a science experiment in place of bumped guest Lee Marek.

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Dave sends the standby audience to The Gap to purchase and wear matching outfits before they're allowed to return to the theater. By the end of the show, they are all wearing identical sweaters and khakis.

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Dave gives a girl in the audience named Amy money to buy spring flowers, and later her boyfriend (also in the audience) sings karaoke with Will Smith.

A woman in the audience bakes cookies for everyone; Conan O'Brien appears in Dave's latest Oscar-related dream; Dave gets his toupee dry-cleaned.

Throughout the night, Dave practices giving out Oscars, awarding achievements by Tony Randall, Doc Severinson (who's sitting in), Tony Mendez, a hi-ho girl, and Sirajul Islam (Mujibur was sick). Also, Dave chats with a man whose dog ran away, then found his pet on the opposite side of the country.

John Mayall sits in; Dave comments on his much-scrutinized performance as host of last week's Academy Awards.

Throughout the night, the legendary Ashton Family acrobats perform their greatest stunts outside on 53rd Street.

Dave spells Uma and Oprah with hot dog wieners, while Creepy Dave lurks in the backdrop during his interview with Bryant Gumbel.

At the end of tonight's ""New Books"" segment, Dave gives one of the phony manuscripts to a girl in the audience. Also, for no apparent reason, Gerard dances around onstage in a sun dress.

Two babes in the audience are observed with ""Marry Us Dave"" T-shirts; Dave, Calvert, and Biff sit around and do nothing for three minutes; Dave asks cab drivers what they thought of his performance at the Oscars.

Dave invites the stand-by audience to his office and watch the show from there. Later, they're joined by Faye Dunaway and chef Wolfgang Puck.

Throughout the night, various staffers walk onstage to give Dave ""dramatic tension,"" while Robert Pastorelli explains his departure from the hit comedy Murphy Brown.

Mayor Guiliani and Dave agree to disagree on the new slogan for the New York Tourism Board; Drew Barrymore gives Dave a birthday surprise.

The New York Daily News, having headlined their paper with last night's Guiliani-chosen slogan, distributes miniature buttons to the audience reading ""We Can Kick Your City's Ass"" commemorating the headline. Also, Bela Fleck sits in with the band on banjo.

Two days after NYC's new slogan, ""We Can Kick Your City's Ass,"" reaches beyond the Hudson, Dave hears from mayors of other cities; Slash of Guns n' Roses fame sits in; a skit involving jelly beans bursting out of Biff's ears is botched when the wiring doesn't work properly.

Live Remote: Dave annoys both an H&R Block tax accountant and his mortified customer, who prefers to hide her face.

Dave selects five guys from the audience to compete in a basketball match outside on 53rd Street with five (alleged) New York Knicks. By the end of the show, the final score is Audience 108, Knicks 107.

Dave complains that the cue-card Tony is holding is too small, so Inky replaces it with a giant banner; ten mayors of other cities present the Top Ten; a blue card is missing and soon found taped to Sandra Bullock's backside.

An audience talent show is interrupted by Helen Reddy, who pops up several times throughout the show; later, she teams up with Blues Traveler to perform ""Hook.""

Tony Randall drops by to announce who tomorrow's guests will be, and Dave squirts him with a fire extinguisher. Later, Biff Henderson and Pat Farmer carry Tony outside and into a taxi. Also, Dolly Parton presents the Top Ten.

After word spreads to the media that he's losing his ratings edge over Leno, Dave wants to find out if people are still watching the show, so he displays his desk phone number on the Times Square Jumbotron. The only people who call are CBS employees who have access to a live feed in their offices. Frustrated, Dave dips the receiver into his coffee.

In tonight's live remote, Dave annoys customers down the street at the Sam Ash music store and invites Marcia to sit in with the band on alto sax.

David Sanborn sits in yet again; various New York Yankees present the Top Ten; Dave loses a blue card, then finds it at McDonald's.

The Flying Rat is introduced on the show during a segment called ""What's New for Spring""; in the same segment a small army of clowns attack Mujibur and Sirajul, then storm the Late Show stage; Dave chats with ""Buddy, the Sleepy Lifeguard.""

Dave and Paul leave the show early to go over to Madison Square Garden for the circus, where they run into an acrobat bearing a strong resemblance to Calvert; the flying rat attacks Dan Rather, and is later seen as a guest on Nightline; Dave and Felecia waltz.

All of tonight's guests (Marilu Henner, Kris Kristofferson, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and Mario Van Peebles) are at Rupert's playing spin the bottle. Also, the flying rat demonstrates its supremacy of the New York skyline by swallowing a giant bird whole.

The Giant Flying Rat is introduced via lasers and special effects just after being interviewed by Tom Snyder.

(Supposed) Audience requests are fulfilled in tonight's ""Who Asked For It?"" while Harry Connick Jr. promotes his new album.

Pete Fatovich attempts to kiss Paul again; the giant flying rat delivers the Top Ten list; Jake Johanssen discusses a recent trip to the supermarket.

The giant flying rat dons a sombrero; Dave leaves the show early to marry Drew Barrymore; a man gets kicked in the face by a racehorse; Dave and Paul go supermarket shopping.

Dave sends audience members Nico and Ingrid Van Eenennaan to London (to promote the show's visit next week) with a camcorder, root beer, and the Giant Flying Rat. Neither are seen or heard from again.

Jimmy Smits, a guest the night before, is seen in his hotel room naked, doing push-ups and watching TV in bed. Also, Paul quits to become a professional boxer, but he gives up and comes back to the show.

The Dutch husband and wife from last night resurface for a brief moment; Paul wears a top hat and a tuxedo; Bruce Willis gets his head scrubbed.

Paul decides to have plastic surgery, then wakes up from the procedure with a conehead; Dave shows a clip of Pakistan's #1 sitcom, ""Seinjibur""; Hugh Grant promotes Nine Months.

Calvert mimics the Giant Flying Rat; Dave comments on preparations for next week's trip to London; Julianna Marguiles promotes the much-hyped season finale of ER.

The Late Show starts its week broadcasting from London. Ten London Guards bring Dave out onstage; Dave and Paul wreck havoc in the city; Elton John reacts to William Shatner's videotaped rendition of ""Rocket Man,"" then performs ""Made in England.""

London, Day 2: The new James Bond, Remington Steele star Pierce Brosnan, enters backstage with models and martinis; Little Richard and Chuck Berry sit in; Dave's mom reports from a pub. (correct synopsis)

London, Day 3: ""London Souvenirs"" include a Prince Charles Ketchup Dispenser, a Bobby Helmet Bra, and a Tea Cannon, brought out by fake London guards. Also, Peter O'Toole enters riding a camel, and Van Morrison barely remembers the words to his own song ""Have I Told You Lately"" in a performance with Sinead O'Connor and the Chieftains. (correct synopsis)

London, Day 4: Dave and Paul play soccer (or should I say football?) at Wembley Stadium; live via satellite from New York, Tony Randall trashes the theater; John Cleese presents the Top Ten. (correct synopsis)

London, Day 5: Dave repeats a monologue joke in a British accent; Salman Rushdie hands the Top Ten to Dave, and is presented by ten bobbies; Dorothy drops by to comment on her week of sightseeing.

Cold opening: Dave belatedly thanks Drew Barrymore for her birthday ""gift"" last month. Also, Dave pays Mujibur and Sirajul to pummel Paul.

It's the debut of ""May We Turn Your Pants Into Shorts?"" Dave cuts up his own slacks before shredding the pants of Paul and Mel Gibson.

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Clint Black sits in; candy is thrown at the audience; the Top Ten Office is relocated to an audience member's hometown of Glenn's Falls, New York; in honor of Ringo Starr, Paul, Dave, and the audience try to recreate Beatlemania.

Dave takes a bunch of sailors to a local watering hole; Mujibur and Sirajul visit Dorothy in Indianapolis; Dave bids farewell to longtime director Hal Gurnee by placing a plaque on the control room door.

Cold Opening: Nicole Kidman asks Dave if he's drunk. Also, displayed by the window of an advertising agency across the street from the Ed Sullivan Theater is a giant toothbrush and tooth; Dave invites the workers from that window to bring the items into the theater and then presents them with the Crest Pledge.

Indianapolis 500 champion Jacque Vileneuve races a NYC cab around the theater block in competition with NYC cabbie Buke Kadikiran; Dave shows (doctored) footage of Dan Rather replacing his CBS Evening News co-host Connie Chung with… Dan Rather.

Biff delivers Dave in a golf cart; Dave and an audience member named Hal help choose the network's new slogan; a pyrotechnic exhibition is held in the backdrop.

It's time for a studio audience talent show, with friends and relatives of the performers swamping the backdrop. Shortly after his interview, Mike Myers joins the crowd.

Dave tells Rupert to bother people at a local bistro with his hidden mic; Dave chats with a woman that recently won $87,000,000 in the state lottery; head CBS executives ""Les Moonves"" and ""Peter Lund"" sing Bob Seger's ""Like a Rock.""

Dave chooses a person off the street to tell their life story; the Top Ten Home Office moves to Grand Rapids, Michigan; Chris O'Donnell plugs Batman Forever.

Stephen Stills sits in; Dave ""attends"" a recent President Clinton press conference; basketball star/party animal Dennis Rodman comments on his recent antics.

Travis, a five-year-old golden retriever, has the ""Dog Cam"" attached to his head; John Turturro dresses up as Batman, then hands Dave the Top Ten list; Dan Rather talks about Connie Chung's departure from CBS, then promotes his workout video ""Old Train Songs to Sweat By.""

Dave arrives at the theater in a police car; throughout the night, spelling bee winner Justin Carroll comes out to spell various ten-cent words; Dave chats with Robert Horry of the NBA Champion Houston Rockets.

Travis and the Dog Cam return; Englebert Humperdinck serenades Rupert; ten kindergarteners write and present the Top Ten.

Dave announces that this is show number 4000, but later admits he's off by a zero; John Denver performs the theme song to ""Supermarket Finds""; Alan King gloats over his grandkids.

Dave invites both a cabbie and an audience member to jump into a rooftop swimming pool. They're later joined by two NYC cops and Bob Saget.

Shortly after a ""What's New for Summer"" segment, Dave hands hamsicles (or, if you will, cold ham on a stick) to the audience. Also, ""Batman"" (Calvert) hands Dave the Top Ten list, while Tony Bennett performs ""My Love Went to London.""

Cold Opening: ""ER"" star Anthony Edwards refuses to give Dave a physical. Also, Jonathan Katz does standup and promotes Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist.

Dave celebrates the fifteenth anniversary of the debut of The David Letterman Show by showing clips of the first broadcast; Biff interrupts Dave so that Corey Pavin (winner of the 1995 U. S. Open) can drop by; various staffers take their moms to the Russian Tea Room.

Bernie Kopell storms out of the theater after ""The Love Boat"" is somehow mentioned twice in a Top Ten List about Hockey. Later, Dave chats with ""Coach"" star Jerry Van Dyke, while Warren Zevon performs ""Mutineer,"" a song he would later perform in his last TV appearance in 2002.

Dave invites a standby audience member to play ""Will You Eat the Meatloaf?"" Later in the show, Dave chats with Pete, the dishwasher at Hello Deli.

In an experimental comedy bit called ""Letters to the Editor,"" Dave reads a (bogus) note from Al Gore telling The New Yorker that he loves their cartoons.

Dave shows the audience an old photo of Morty with an afro, and then later shows a doctored photo of himself with a head-bush. Also, Dave helps Tom Hanks shave a beard he grew on vacation.

In a remote, Dave asks apartment dwellers, ""What's the Coolest Thing In Your Apartment?""

Jim Carrey, Andre Agassi, and Tom and Roseanne Arnold miraculously appear in the audience, Tom being both on stage and in the audience simultaneously. Also, Dave orders pancakes from the Fashion Cafe for Christy Turlington and a heavyset audience member.

Dave says hello to viewers in France and Italy in their respective native tongues; during ""May We See Your Photos, Please?"" Dave demands to see photos of meat or nudity; Penn and Teller perform one of their trademark dangerous stunts.

Charles Grodin promotes his new cable talk show.

A small army of cyclists rush across the stage, while Dave and Pete Sampras play a pickup round of tennis out on 53rd Street.

After an admittedly lame remote on a ""Day In The Life"" of producer Robert Morton, he jumps into a giant bowl of pudding, followed by Dave. Later in the show, Paul, Laurie Diamond, and the members of White Zombie join in.

Dave flashes back to how he stayed cool over the weekend by stuffing popsicles in his pants; a woman who picks up one of the pay phones at the kiosk outside the theater is chosen as an honorary guest host; Alicia Silverstone promotes Clueless; Dave and Pam the phone lady switch jackets.

Dan Rather presents the Top Ten; Chevy Chase plugs Man of the House and talks tennis.

Ed Sullivan Theater Building Engineer George Clarke begins his ""Quest for Corn"" throughout the Midwest. He's off to Illinois.

Dave demonstrates a triple pencil flip; Rupert finds one of Dave's blue cards attached to Mary Tyler Moore's backside; Dave shows old footage of Andy Kaufman dancing with a giant snake.

Clarence Clemons of the E Street Band sits in; Dave offers an audience guy with an unruly beard $300 to shave it; Talent Assistant Zoe Friedham gets a tattoo; Dave gives the newly-shaven man $400.

A ""Dumb Ads"" segment introduces Canadian filling station attendent Dick Assman. The entire North American audience immediately catches ""Dick Assmania."" Later, a monkey in the green room throws fruit, while The Quest for Corn hits Omaha, Nebraska.

Dave calls up Dick Assman; Ray Liotta arrives onstage riding a baby elephant, and later he makes a (bogus) appearance with Paul in the controversial new movie Kids.

Dave and Tony switch places for a few minutes; David Schwimmer is reunited with the monkey who played Marcel on Friends; Dave announces that ""Dick Assmania"" has officially swept the eastern seaboard.

During a segment called ""Ask the Mayor,"" someone from the audience asks Rudy Guiliani, ""Is that a real hair piece?"" Also, a half-awake audience member opens himself to the feminine wiles of Sandra Bullock.

George Clarke's ""Quest for Corn"" finds him in Indianapolis with Dave's mom: 5 ears. Later, Nick Turturro and Dennis Franz stand in the green room with their pants down, while Paul and Bruce Hornsby play ""Chopsticks"" on the keyboard.

Dave gives $100 to an audience member after a monologue joke bombs; the show is interrupted for a ""Dick Assman Update""; father and son audience members Jim and JJ McMichael wave from the top of the Empire State Building.

Dave announces that CBS has just been bought by Westinghouse, then spends the rest of the show joking about it.

Dave chats with Mary Ann Dennis, whose dog stopped a man that tried to mug her.

During ""Stupid Pet Tricks,"" a small fish eats a worm whole. Meanwhile, Dave goes into a Westinghouse washer in spin cycle.

The final installment of ""George Clarke's Quest for Corn"" finds our hero at Hello Deli (five ears). Afterwards, George distributes an ear of corn to everyone in the audience.

Dave announces it's ""Christmas in August,"" with Glen Campbell singing a medley of holiday standards at Hello Deli.

Junior Brown sits in with the band; baseball star John Kruk talks about his recent retirement; Dave hectors a man on the street in a game called ""May I Taste Your Dinner, Please?""

The ""Dick Assman Update"" reveals that his popularity has hit fever pitch. Later, Christopher Walken promotes three new movies that are coming out within a month of each other.

Dave shows a ""highlight"" of last night's show: Dan Rather fondling Dave's butt.

In honor of an incident that resulted in a forfeit in the previous night's Dodgers-Cardinals game, audience members throw baseballs at Dave.

All night long, Rupert touches meat and is joined later by Kelsey Grammer, his then-fiancee, and a priest from the audience.

Dave claims that the chairman of Westinghouse has agreed to fight him. Later, Sonny Bono signs to Calvert's upstart record company.

During an interview with Isabella Rosselini, a guy on fire runs around the stage. Later, Bjork and the CBS Orchestra performs ""It's Oh So Quiet.""

Paul is introduced as ""Johnny Lavaggi;"" Dave shows a (doctored) clip of Monica Seles grunting; David Brenner does stand up.

Dave bids a fond farewell to his announcer, while Dick Assman also makes one last appearance.

Dave grills his new announcer, making him do voiceovers throughout the show (including #1 on the top ten list).

Tom Snyder wants everybody to know that he does not hold a grudge with Dave. Meanwhile, Alan Kalter continues to get used to his new surroundings.

Charlton Heston plays ""Dave's Boss"" and bullies him mercilessly. Later, Kevin Pollak promotes ""The Usual Suspects.""

Amongst the ""Items Included in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame:"" Stuff found in ZZ Top's beards, a guitar made of David Crosby's old liver, and Marv Albert's Rock & Roll Bloopers, with Hootie (as in Hootie and the Blowfish) getting hit on the head by a basketball. Meanwhile, in order to prepare for an Olympic diver that will be appearing later, Dave recruits Alan and an audience member to get in a tank.

Wesley Snipes promotes ""Money Train,"" then strips to a dress.

A day after the Emmy Awards, Dave tosses donuts into the audience with the new Donut-A-Pult. Quote Dave: ""Now it's really hard to believe we didn't win an Emmy."" Meanwhile, Biff Henderson recites a passage from the Packwood Diaries.

The Donutapult returns, while Dave brings in a cabbie to write a Top Ten list.

While promoting the movie ""Showgirls,"" star Elizabeth Berkeley gives Dave a lap dance.

Gerard, Rupert, and others discuss what they like about Autumn, while Rush Limbaugh introduces a mini-Donutapult.

During CBS Mailbag, Cyndi Lauper sings ""Lactose Intolerant."" Later, the Donutapult makes one last appearance.

Throughout the show, winners of obscure beauty pageants (including ""Miss Peanut"" and ""Miss South Carolina Tobacco"") walk across the stage and escort tonight's guests.

Dick Assman is still popular in Canada; Newt Gingrich presents the Top Ten list; Thomas Haden Church promotes ""Ned & Stacey""; Dave juggles peaches.

Rudy Guiliani give Dave a key to the city, then takes it back.

Dave gives a three pound ham to an audience member, while ""Friends"" star Courtney Cox launches the ""Donutapult 2000.""

Eddie Jamison (the guy who said ""I Love You, Man!"" in those beer commercials) interrupts the monologue; Doc Severinsen sits in with the band; Mary Tyler Moore accuses Dave of being a brown-noser.

Doc Severinsen is still sitting in; The Delaria Sisters, a group of women who hang by their hair on a pole, demonstrate their skills; Dave chats with a grade-schooler who ran off a burgler.

Dave invites his neighbor Steve over for coffee; Ellen Cleghorne promotes her new sitcom.

13 NYC cab drivers are invited to serve on a mock jury to determine the fate of OJ Simpson. Instead, they're serenaded by Mel Torme.

1995: Uma Thurman joins Geraldo Rivera as the mock jury of cab drivers continues to deliberate, led by foreman Parminder Singh. Dave notes, ""Uma, Parminder; Parminder, Uma.""

Dave introduces ""The Donutapult 2000+,"" which is so big it has to sit out on 53rd Street. Later in the show, it is converted into ""The Melonapult 2000+.""

Amongst the latest ""Back-to-School Items:"" Oreo Cookies with Clearasil Pad Filling, Larry King Ex-Wife Trading Cards, and a Kate Moss Lunchbox. Later, Andy Dick promotes ""Newsradio.""

The cast and crew explains why they're glad the O. J. Simpson trial is over; Julianne Moore promotes ""Safe.""

Pete Fatovich, ""Creepy Dave,"" and Gerard comment on the OJ verdict, while Chazz Palminteri gives an audience member his coat.

Dave's ""younger brother Carl"" sits in on violin; Dave thinks he's on a caffeine buzz.

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Dave, Cybill Shepherd, and sports legend Joe Montana throw footballs into cabs on 53rd Street. After repeated attempts, all three find their target at once. Also, Dave announces that tonight's show is in ""actual size.""

Via live remote, Dave asks a customer at a nearby laundromat to take a pair of pants out of the dryer and bring them into the theater for guest Richard Simmons to wear.

Marilyn Horne of the Metropolitan Opera presents the Top Ten; the Rev. Jesse Jackson discusses current events and mentions his son's run for Congress.

During CBS Mailbag, Dave goes sailing with Paul, the models and Bob Denver. Later, William Shatner is beamed out of his seat.

Dave goes to New Jersey to find a date for mailroom employee/superstar extrordinaire Bob Borden. Meanwhile, Paul is missing, so Dave leaves the theater and finds him chatting at a party with Woody Allen.

Dave starts reading the Miranda Rights before realizing he has the wrong index card. He leaves the studio to search for the correct card and finds ""NYPD Blue"" stars Jimmy Smits and Dennis Franz reading the Top Ten List to a captured thug.

Throughout the show, The ""Jimmy Letterman Singers"" sing ""Jimmy."" Later in the show, Dave concedes: ""It sucks, it stinks, it blows; it ain't working.""

Throughout this year's World Series, kid reporter Sparky Mortimer has been making reports from the stadiums in Cleveland and Atlanta. Tonight, he lands a quick interview with Braves owner Ted Turner.

During CBS Mailbag, Paul does a Johnny Carson impression. Later, Dave and Michael Rappaport lather up in order to use the CBS spa.

Dave and Paul recruit a guy named Moe from a delicatessen, and the CBS Orchestra puts together a music video about him. Later, Sparky Mortimer runs the bases at Jacobs Field in Cleveland.

Upon returning to NYC, Dave gives Sparky a pat on the back for a job well done; Casey Kasem introduces Wayne Hazeltine and the Pants Across America Tour; Carol Burnett takes off her skirt.

A pumpkin launcher is demonstrated on 53rd Street, while The Pants Across America tour stops at St. Louis.

Casey Kasem and the Pants Across America tour reports from Mount Rushmore, while up and coming actress Claire Danes introduces one of her favorite bands, UB40.

Carol Channing harasses Dave during CBS Mailbag; the tour hits the Grand Canyon.

Tonight on the ""Pants Across America"" tour, Casey Kasem is in Las Vegas, listening to an Elvis impersonator perform ""Burning Love.""

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Television City Studios, Day 2: Danny DeVito and Dave get into the stage pool and have a water fight. Meanwhile, Tony Mendez continues his cameo appearances on TV shows; tonight he's seen in clips from ""Friends"" and ""Grace Under Fire.""

From Los Angeles: Alka Seltzer® is inserted into the backdrop pool; Demi Moore presents ""The Top Ten Least Popular Stripper Names;"" Green Day performs ""86.""

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Biff interrupts Dave's opening remarks and asks for water. Out runs NYC marathon winner German Silva with his drink. Later, Bill Murray cooks toast, and Silver runs by again to pick it up.

Dave uses the speaker phone to get someone to bring him pizza. Later, thirty folks show up with boxes, and slices are handed out to the audience. Also, the United States is in the middle of a government shutdown, so Dave calls the Pentagon, misdials, finally gets an answering machine, and hangs up. A stagehand gives him an ax, cuts the phone cord, and hands the phone to an audience member.

Elton John promotes and sings two songs from his latest album, ""Made In England.""

An audience guy holds cue cards in place of Tony (he's sick), while Sean Penn promotes ""Dead Man Walking.""

The Presidents of the United States of America perform their breakthrough hit, ""Toad.""

Dave sends mailroom dude/budding diva Bob Borden to Washington as a White House correspondent.

Dave asks folks on the street (including a poorly disguised Michael J. Fox) what they think of the federal budget crisis; Bob Borden makes his first report from DC.

Amongst what's ""New for the Holidays"": Gingerbread Rats, Howard Stern's book ""Miss America"" read by James Earl Jones, and Kreskin guessing the weight of turkeys. Also, Bob Borden interrogates Larry King.

Dave gives a turkey to a lady in the audience, then takes a turkey to the balcony with the help of a ladder; throughout the night, celebrities mention what they're thankful for; trapeze artists Helen Turkett and Luke Martin perform.

""Soup Nazi"" Ali ""Al"" Yeganeh passes out turkey chili to the audience.

In a sign of future legal trouble, Microsoft owner and multibillionaire Bill Gates tries to fix the Late Show Quiz Machine after it gets stuck displaying the answer ""Windows '95"" in all three boxes. Also, Bob Borden tries with little success to deliver a turkey to President Clinton.

Dave has Paul sit down on the guest chair because it's his birthday. Soon afterwards, the outside cam reveals Dave buying Paul a birthday present from a girl on the street.

Cold Opening: Dave and Creepy Dave go mano a mano in the green room. Also, Dave demonstrates one of the ""Top Ten Changes Westinghouse is Planning for CBS Tonight"" -- he doodles the CBS logo on blank coffee mugs for tonight's guests.

Steve Martin shows up a day early, and Dave can't get him offstage.

After showing a clip from his new movie Father of the Bride, Part 2 on a 16mm film projector, Steve Martin and Dave appear in ""The Making of Steve Martin's Appearance Documentary.""

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As a tribute to such beloved recurring segments such as ""The Man Under the Seats"" and ""The Fugitive Guy,"" Chris Elliott stars in a short-lived skit ""Cable Pulling Guy;"" Martin Short helps ""baking madwoman"" Bev Tanner make a cake.

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After a video montage of the annual eggnog drinking from increasingly larger bowls, Dave and a model hop into a gigantic bowl of the liquid, later joined by Biff and the Goo Goo Dolls.

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CBS President Les Moonves (bogus) takes a moment to comment on Clinton's State of the Union address by singing ""Holding Out for a Hero."" Also, pre-teen sports reporter Sparky Mortimer returns to the show and is given a new assignment- to cover Super Bowl XXX.

Sparky Mortimer makes another amusing -- albeit clumsy -- Super Bowl report; Dave chats with basketball star Reggie Miller.

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Dave offers Liz Taylor a riding mower if she'll come on the show; clips from the HBO movie The Late Shift, which Dave calls ""satire;"" The Ramones perform ""She Talks to Rainbows.""

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In mock tribute to HBO's ""The Late Shift,"" Dave throws baseballs at an archery target.

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Dave mentions that in between show tapings, an audience guy named Anthony sang ""My Way"" from the balcony. During the taping of this episode, however, Dave invites him to sing it onstage. Also, Dave goes over to Black Rock Bar & Grill to swipe a beverage from Dan Rather.

Dave stoically mentions that this will be the last night for the current set, and that it will be remodeled during the NCAA Tournament coverage. To commemorate this, at the end of the show, a couple dozen audience members file by the desk to touch Dave.

As the Ed Sullivan Theater is being renovated, Dave hosts his show from the lobby with only 60 folding chairs set up for the audience. Fire Commissioner Howard Safir oversees the proceedings, while guests Barbara Walters and Halle Berry make their entrances through the theater debris. Dave tells Ray Charles, ""I don't know how to break it to you, but you're in the lobby."" Also, a man-on-the-street segment finds that most New Yorkers are apathetic towards the new set.

After a week of construction, the show's new ""Bridge"" set is unveiled. Dave quickly mentions that he ordered it from a catalog. Martha Stewart honors the occasion by hammering in the last nail. Later, she's seen sanding backstage and, still later, operating a blowtorch.

Dave has an extra joke in the monologue, so he and Tony take it over to Conan O'Brien at NBC. Meanwhile, George Foreman breaks a pinata at Hello Deli, in celebration of the unveiling of Rupert's new ""set.""

Mailbag: Dave goes over to Yankee Stadium and steals home plate. Also, Dave chats with ""Cliff Sussman"" (Jay Johnson), the president of the New Set Fan Club, and No Doubt performs ""Spiderwebs.""

Dana Carvey drops by and receives a piece of the set; The Usual Suspects star Kevin Spacey presents the Top Ten live via satellite; Alan Kalter stars in the new midseason replacement sitcom ""Weird Guy in an Elevator.""

Dave tricks young Oscar® winner Anna Paquin into getting in a magician's box, claiming he was going to show her a trick. Once he had her locked in, he took off her shoes and tickled her feet!Also, Dave challenges Millionaire Basketball Winner Tom Gates: if he makes his shot onstage, Dave will give him $10,000; if he doesn't, he has to host the show. He misses. So does a very un-athletic Mary Tyler Moore. But Paquin hits, and Dave gives her the $10,000 cash.

After Dave promises that the Quiz Machine will never be seen on the show again, he brings out the ""Flagstar 3000,"" a cheap cardboard facade.

Anna Paquin returns to the show two days after the basketball challenge and donates her cash prize to charity. Also, Dave temporarily moves his show to public access, and Laurie Diamond persuades him to return to CBS.

CBS Mailbag: the Quiz Machine is destroyed (at last!) by a cab, while Tony Randall hides under Dave's desk to protect himself from the government.

Dave shows a clip of Marshall Sylver's infomercial, and throughout the night Dave attempts to hypnotize members of the staff. After Dave accidentally puts Biff in a daze, he calls up Sylver to figure out what to do with his entranced stage manager.

After miraculously surviving its attempted demise the previous week, the Quiz Machine is finally destroyed once and for all. Also, ten ballerinas present the Top Ten.

Dave begins a new contest: The town that sends the most valuable gifts will be the new Top Ten Home Office. Two huge glass tanks are displayed onstage, each for the two towns in competition. Tonight, Wahoo, Nebraska (the challenger) sends enchiladas, while Grand Rapids (the incumbent) sends a fax from the Governor of Michigan. Not a good start for Grand Rapids. Also, the outside cam visits Sullivan's Bar & Grill next door, and their bartender comes in the theater to pose for a Polaroid picture.

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The Home Office Competition continues: Added to Wahoo's tank is a pizza, a T-shirt, and a birdhouse, while Grand Rapids adds a garment bag; Dave shows another episode of Alan Kalter's mini-sitcom ""Weird Guy in an Elevator""; Luciano Pavarotti and Michael Bolton sing ""Nessun Dorma.""

Dave appears on the Times Square Jumbotron demanding presents; Dave and Fred Nigro go to Jersey to help with taxes, during which Dave recruits a citizen to stand in for him during an audit; Dave plugs his mother's recently-published cookbook.

An audience member assists in the debut of the Slatstar 2000, while Brett Butler presents the Top Ten.

Mia Farrow reveals that she's addicted to the internet. Carly Simon drops by in mid-interview, and later, both sit in with the CBS Orchestra, with Mia on tambourine and Carly on cowbell.

Dave holds an impromptu auction, while Marshall Sylver hypnotizes more Late Show staffers.

Wahoo vs. Grand Rapids, Day 9: Wahoo sends two kids, Jeff and Josh Price, to sit in their glass tank. Grand Rapids loses further ground by sending several non-living items. Also, Alan does various random things throughout the night, including reading his turkey pot pie recipe, speaking in a bad French accent, ripping his shirt open, and holding his breath through a commercial break.

In honor of the recent Sotheby's Auction that featured items once owned by John F. Kennedy, Biff comes stage on Jackie O's (alleged) riding lawnmower; in a pre-taped segment, Dave interviews CBS job applicants, during which he pressures college sophomore Todd Stevens to sing; Nathan Lane appears to show Todd how it's done; Dave leaves the show to have some coffee with a guy named Kenny.

Dorothy drops by to promote the cookbook that Dave's been plugging for the last two weeks, and she cooks him his favorite sandwich.

At the end of the monologue, a guy dressed up as an Olympic runner bolts across the stage, and later he paces around the backdrop. Also, comedian Anthony Clark promotes his new sitcom Boston Common.

Tonight's ""What's On Other Channels"" segment includes ""Condom Testing,"" ""The Mexican Navy's New Battleship,"" and ""Tommy Lee-Pamela Anderson Video.""

Pat Farmer interrupts the monologue by walking in front of the camera; Marv Albert provides color commentary on tonight's CBS Mailbag; two guys spray each other with fuel at a gas station in Queens.

The Home Office Contest is over: Wahoo is now the official home office of the Top Ten List, decimating Grand Rapids from the get-go. Also, Everclear performs ""Heartspark Dollarsign.""

The Late Show begins a week in San Francisco as Mayor Willie Brown interrupts the show throughout the hour by offering Dave the key to the city, a loaf of sourdough bread, and a stick he found in his yard. Also, Paul composes a music video for cable car operator Luis ""Guido"" Montano, with cameos by Los Lobos, Carly Simon, Hootie & the Blowfish and Celine Dion.

Frisco, Day 2: Dave gives a bouquet to a 95-year-old lady in the audience; Dave and football great Joe Montana tour the city, where they end up getting ""friendly"" in Alcatraz; Dave checks on the theater in NYC, and finds Clint Eastwood imitating Dave at his desk.

Frisco, Day 3: Sheila E. and Pete Escovido sit in; Dave shows off the 49ers shower curtain he has in the dressing room; Dave orders Rupert to harass people on the street; Dave invites a shaggy-looking guy in the audience (a professor at Stanford, no less) to take a shower during the show.

From San Francisco: Three audience members receive free hams and souvenir cue cards; Joe Satriani sits in; Dave tells the seals at Fisherman's Wharf to shut up; the San Francisco Giants present the Top Ten; basketballs and melons are rolled down Fillburn Street, the steepest in the city.

Frisco, Day 5: The Alcatraz mock-up in the backdrop is subject to a jailbreak; Dave hangs out with a local hippie, thus introducing the world (not to mention fleeting fame) to one Manny Papp; Dave loses a blue card, and then finds it inside a crab at Fisherman's Wharf; Manny meets his hero, John Popper of Blues Traveler.

Dave quizzes the audience on his week in San Francisco, during which Gene Siskel runs onstage looking for Roger Ebert. Later in the show, he gives up on his search, then relaunches his film review program as ""Siskel and DeForest."" Also, Natalie Merchant sings ""Jealousy.""

Manny the Hippie gives his first live remote from San Francisco, as Dave asks him to give periodic reviews on current movies. Tonight, he reviews Twister, which he personally didn't care for.

Junior Brown sits in, and Dave tries on his very unique hat. Also, a guy dressed up as Ronald McDonald gives Dave the Top Ten, and later he is found lying dead in the street.

During Mailbag, Tony sits in for Dave while Dave sits in for Alan saying ""letter number two,"" which leads into a question about lawn care; comedian Harry Hill tells jokes about Cher, The A-Team, and his grandmother's funeral; Spin Doctors perform ""She Used to Be Mine.""

For no apparent reason, Dave orders Tony to take a taxi; Manny the Hippie presents the Top Ten; a dentist checks out a weird whistling noise coming out of Dave's mouth when he speaks.

Two audience guys go outside to monitor the temperature, and given their meteorological expertise, are ordered to stand next to a giant thermometer.

It's time for a new game called ""May We Turn Your Pants into Shorts?"" Dave is the first to mutilate his slacks, and is followed by Paul, Biff, John Goodman, and Norm MacDonald, who was already wearing shorts.

Dave shows a clip of his favorite moment from last night's show: Biff doing a quadruple take upon seeing Dave's slacks getting cut at the knee; Dave's contact lens fall out, so he wears his glasses for half the show; Brett Butler performs a Stupid Human Trick.

Dave's jacket is stain by coffee, so he throws it into the balcony; an ""unknown guest"" crashes the show; Leslie Nielsen promotes Spy Hard.

Dave and Conan O'Brien get ""Bob Dole Is Old"" jokes from the joke storeroom in the basement of the Ed Sullivan Theater. Also, Dave invites several staffers (including then-intern Stephanie Birkett) to discuss their dreams at a local steakhouse.

Live via satellite in San Francisco, Manny the Hippie reviews the film ""Spy Hard"": ""It's schwiggity schwag!"" Also, ""She Loves Me"" week begins with Martin Short, who performs this song, hanging on to the last note while leaving the theater, grabbing a soda at the Hello Deli, getting a massage, and returning to the theater wearing a terrycloth robe.

Dave invites customers from the Roy Rogers restaurant across the street into the theater to be checked for ticks; Dr. Sam Merrick declares them tick-free. Also, Day 2 of ""She Loves Me,"" tonight performed by Nathan Lane. Like Martin Short the previous night, Nate holds the last note, goes out to Hello Deli for a soda, then to a massage, and back inside the theater with a robe.

Diana Ross performs a variation of the song ""She Loves Me"" called ""He Loves Me,"" and while holding the final note, buys a soda at Hello Deli, gets a massage at a nearby spa, and walks back inside the theater wearing a white robe.

Dave tells a mean fat joke about Roger Ebert, and shortly afterwards the film critic calls Dave a bastard; four singers present the First Annual Late Show Salute to the Word ""Ass""; on Day 4 of ""She Loves Me"" week, Matthew Broderick performs a certain 1950's pop standard, holds the last note, runs through the theater, grabs a soda at the Hello Deli, gets a handbill for a free massage, receives the massage, and returns to the theater wearing a robe, still holding the note.

The final day of celebrity ""She Loves Me"" performances takes place when Rosie O'Donnell sings, holds the last note, runs through the theater, grabs a soda at Hello Deli, gets a handbill for a free massage, receives the massage, and returns to the theater wearing a robe, still holding the same note. Dave follows this flawless presentation with a week-long retrospective.

Biff attempts to learn how to fly; actor/soccer fanatic Andrew Shue introduces footage of him, Elizabeth Shue, and John Shue playing a pick-up game of his sport of choice.

In a piece of videotape footage that ""will disturb and shock you,"" Dave introduces clips of Bill Clinton singing ""Mustang Sally"" and Boris Yeltsin dancing.

Dave fools around with a hot glue gun, while up-and-coming actress Liv Tyler (daughter of Bebe Buell and Steven Tyler) promotes Stealing Beauty.

Kenny Wayne Shepherd sits in; Dave points out that one of tonight's ""CBS Mailbag"" letter-writers is in the audience; during Mailbag, ""Ronald McDonald"" (Leonard) verbally abuses Dave.

Dave bids farewell to one of his longtime staffers; Kelsey Grammer promotes ""Down Periscope""; Manny reviews The Cable Guy: ""Dank.""

Remote: Dave works the drive-thru at a Taco Bell in Jersey. Later, he chats with Lucille Treganowan, 66-year-old grandmother/hot rod guru. (correct synopsis)

Some guy carrying the Olympic torch comes through to interrupt the monologue. Also, Dave recalls a fake Father's Day memory when his son ""Jimmy"" gave him an ashtray. Paul doubts the story, forcing Dave to recall his ""real"" video memory: ""Jimmy"" arriving with pizza. (correct synopsis)

Biff recruits an audience member to get splashed in the face by a speeding taxi going over a puddle. Also, CBS head honcho ""Les Moonves"" discusses the CBS fall lineup, then sings Harry Chapin's ""Cat in the Cradle.""

In response to a CBS Mailbag letter that noticed a likeness between Inky Mendez and Steven Speilberg, Martin Scorsese is seen impersonating Anton Fig.

Dave shows off a tick that has embedded itself into his suit, then shows more footage of him at Taco Bell. (correct synopsis)

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Jerry Van Dyke rides onstage on a mule; Luke Perry gives Dave his sideburns; The Fugees perform ""Fu-Gee-La.""

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Manny the Hippie reviews Striptease: ""Schwag."" Also, Creepy Dave drops by to ask Michael Keaton about human cloning.

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Dave airs his first new July 3rd show since his morning show in 1980. During the ""Rejected FDA Products"" segment, Dave introduces ""Sherwin-Williams Fettucine in Paint."" Later, Jeff Goldblum promotes ""Independence Day"" as Rupert searches the sky for UFOs.

Mujibur and Sirajul stand on the roof, waiting for the fireworks in broad daylight; during Mailbag, ""Neil Diamond"" (Calvert) rouses the crowd with a smokin' rendition of ""America;"" two audience members take an American flag to the Empire State Building; The Brian Setzer Orchestra performs ""Town Without Pity.""

Dave switches places with an audience woman, and later she sits in with the band; Elaine Stritch storms onstage and chews out Dave; Randy Quaid promotes Independence Day.

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Dave points out that Paul is the co-musical director for the Olympic closing ceremonies; Biff keeps interrupting Dave; Dave chats with Joanne Ussery, a woman who lives in a renovated Boeing 727.

Manny the Hippie talks about his trip to Roswell, New Mexico, while The Charlie Watts Quintet (featuring Bernard Fowler) performs ""In a Sentimental Mood.""

Dave shows a semi-embarrassing clip of Meg Ryan from her days on ""As The World Turns,"" featuring a ""young"" Paul Shaffer and Will Lee.

Dave tries to find the owner of car whose license plates read ""SO HAPPY,"" and later he shows footage of a Wheel of Fortune contestant screwing up the answer to a puzzle: ""Paul Shatner!""

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Dave continues to gloat over the Late Show's (alleged) title as Official Talk Show of the Summer Olympics, with abortive sports commentary by Anton; Laurence Fishburne promotes Fled.

Country legend Marty Stuart sits in, while a disgruntled alien (Gerard) comments on inaccuracies in the movie Independence Day.

Dave discusses in length the show's embarrassment of Emmy riches this year (four nominations); the ""CBS Mailbag"" presents Dave's 10,000th ""Bob Dole is old"" joke; Dave receives another discouraging visit from Fan Club president ""Cliff Sussman"" (Jay Johnson).

Leonard ""The Ronald McDonald Guy"" Tepper joins Rupert for another one of his hidden-mike remotes with Dave. Later, Jackie Joyner-Kersee promotes her new fitness book and upcoming appearance at the Atlanta Games.

Dave welcomes the Gold Medal-winning U.S. Olympic Girl's Gymnastics Team (minus the injured Kerri Strug); during a ""New Products"" segment, Pat Farmer models a t-shirt made from venetian blinds.

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Dave announces that the Late Show has its own version of ""The Real World,"" with Paul, Anton and Pat Farmer whining about their personal problems.

During ""CBS Mailbag,"" Secret Service Agents dance the Macarena; Dennis Miller promotes his new HBO talk show; Butthole Surfers perform ""Pepper.""

Dave brings up three girls from the audience, confiscates their gum, and sends them out to goof off in a nearby fountain; the Sex Pistols perform ""Pretty Vacant.""

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Dave chats with Yankees pitcher Dwight ""Doc"" Gooden, who threw a no-hitter the night before.

Dave gives a ham to a man in the audience who correctly guessed his weight (158 lbs).

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Dave gives a ham to an audience member named Bud Perchinski, who later assumes control of one of the cameras. Later, Flea (from Red Hot Chili Peppers) and Jewel Kilcher perform a duet.

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Adam Sandler promotes Happy Gilmore; Yankees pitcher David Cone demonstrates ball-handling techniques.

It's the unofficial Three-Year Anniversary. (The count is 90 morning shows, 1810 Late Nights, and 654 Late Shows.) Dave shows some of his favorite clips, then goes door-to-door in New Jersey with Gene Siskel, Roger Ebert and Richard Simmons.

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Dave scrambles to find something to fill the extra 16 minutes of his commerical-free show.

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Sanborn's still sitting in; Paul appears in a Bob Dole campaign ad; Tom Hanks promotes ""That Thing You Do!""

It's Biff's 50th birthday, so Dave promotes his new PBS political roundtable chatfest, ""The Henderson Group."" Tonight's panelists: Biff, Dave, Paul, and ""outspoken liberal"" Pat Farmer.

Calvert plays Bob Dole's go-between; The Dave Matthews Band performs ""Crash Into Me.""

Referring to a current TV Guide that pays tribute to Dave's Suit of Alka Seltzer from his NBC days, Rupert Jee stands in a bowl of clam chowder.

1996: Dave shows a tape of Bob Dole blinking in the first presidential debate; Michael J. Fox gets a car for high school graduation (he didn't officially graduate until that Spring); the Kinks' Ray Davies performs ""To the Bone.""

Clint Black sits in; the roof cam reveals campaign workers scuffling outside.

Dave searches for a new anchor for CBS-2 New York, and decides on a girl named Donna Hill. She makes several (bogus) news reports throughout the night.

1996: Three audience girls are given hams; Dave shows a (supposed) clip from tonight's Vice Presidential debate; Dave and Marv Albert point out another audience member who happens to be wearing a neckbrace.

During CBS Mailbag, Calvert appears as ""Derek the Cantankerous Wallaby""; guest George Foreman pulls a truck.

Cindy Crawford walks onstage with heavy eye makeup, and Dave asks where she got her black eyes.

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Dave shows a poster that proves that Bob Dole's presidential campaign is doomed: ""For The Love of God, Don't Vote for Tubby."" Also, Calvert reports from the Game 1 of the Braves-Yankees World Series, during which he hugs the mayor of Atlanta.

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Dave says goodnight halfway through the show and then leaves. Paul goes to search for Dave but gets distracted playing basketball. Dave is finally found guiding planes on the runway at JFK Airport, so Biff calls him via a courtesy phone and tells him to return.

Dave salutes the 1996 World Champion New York Yankees and welcomes manager Joe Torre.

Dave chats with redeemed Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, while Rupert launches the ""Deli of Terror.""

Bill Murray serves as the show's roving reporter, asking pedestrians outside about the upcoming national election. Also, Dave shows off his new, thinner haircut.

In honor of Halloween, Dave presents ""Biff the Headless Stage Manager""; the problem, though, is that Biff is dressed as a Thanksgiving pilgrim.

""Friday Night on the Road"" begins in Beantown, as Michael Hirsch, aka ""The Bar,"" makes his stunning transformation from dorm geek to BMOC.

NYC Marathon winner Giacomo Leone runs through the set, while Mel Gibson presents ""Top Ten Lines You'll Never Hear Me, Mel Gibson, Say in a Movie.""

It's the day after Election '96, so Dave tells his last ""Bob Dole is old"" joke. Also, Dave fidgets with his unusually long tie, while Calvert conducts exit polls.

During Mailbag, a viewer pleads for no more Dole jokes, so ""Bob Dole"" (Calvert) appears on stage and sings Lionel Richie's ""Say You, Say Me,"" a pop ditty which includes the immortal lines, ""I had a dream; I had an awesome dream.""

Ten noteworthy anchormen appear in the top ten list while Dave chats with recently denied presidential candidate Bob Dole.

It's the official 3rd Anniversary special, with clips and highlights from the past three seasons.

Biff interrupts Dave's monologue ""just to be on TV;"" Kristen Scott Thomas plugs ‘The English Patient.""

Saxaphonist Joshua Redman sits in; Gene Catron performs a trick involving dominoes and a pool ball; Dave gives out candy.

Dave's artificial tooth comes loose, while Ed McMahon imitates Leonard Tepper's impression of the former ""Tonight Show"" sidekick.

From Chicago: Paul meets his long-lost brother Matt Shaffer on ""Jerry Springer"" just as Dave was going to admit to being a transvestite. Also, Dave introduces ten citizens with distinct names for ""Top Ten Our Favorite Illinois Names."" His choice for #1, Springfield resident Minnie Cocke, has her mug displayed on the United Center jumbotron.

Throughout the night, audience members walk onstage to tell jokes.

Dave calls a desk jockey from across the street named Samantha Giafoni, asking for her opinion about Michael Jackson. After calling her, autumn leaves are dumped in her office.

Glenn Close promotes the live-action remake of ""101 Dalmations.""

When Dave gives a ham to an audience guy, he gives him five more when he says it's going to a senior citizens' group. Soon enough, Biff practically gives him the whole store.

Friday Night on the Road finishes in Miami, Florida. It's so hot in the Coconut Grove Playhouse that Dave strips off his suit and hosts the show in his khakis and t-shirt: ""This is exactly what rehearsal looks like.""

A ""News in Review"" segment is translated into Chinese, while Dave accidentally cuts himself while crawling under his desk.

John Popper of Blues Traveler sits in, and later he performs with Dolly Parton.

Thanksgiving and the holidays are the topics du jour in the latest edition of ""Dave Talks to Kids.""

Gerard makes a cameo in the annual ""Thanksgiving Day Quiz,"" while Dorothy bakes cherry and hickory nut pies.

After Dave offers a million dollars claiming that there's no such person named Sivareddy Gotike, whose letter was read on the CBS Mailbag the week before, Sivareddy appears on the show to collect. Dave offers him and his friend Srinivas a hotel room, dinner at Tad's, dinner at the 21 Club, two tickets to ""Cats,"" two tickets to a Jets game, a camera, car service, and dates instead.

Biff gives out hams to the audience during the second-ever appearance of ""Know Your Current Events,"" while Martha Stewart shows Dave how to make a scented wreath.

Dave announces he's #45 on TV Guide's greatest stars list; after interviewing Nicole Kidman, Dave is dyspeptic and demands a roll of Tums®; the roof cam reveals Santa dumping a corpse in a garbage disposal.

Dave calls the corner pay phones, but no one answers. He finally steps outside and tells anyone to pick up the phone. After some guy named Phil answers it, Dave has to scream at him to come inside.

1996: Two merchant marines do push-ups onstage; Dave and Paul reprise the roles of their alter egos, Gator and Skunk; Leonard Tepper performs in the Late Show ""kid's nativity play""; Counting Crows appear for the second night in a row.

Skunk and Gator hang out in the green room; Beavis and Butthead plug their upcoming movie; Paul performs an original holiday number.

Somebody named Matias Paluka is interviewed by Dave, then does a weather forecast.

Tony sits in the audience, while Rupert shows Dave a ""Tickle Me Giuliani"" doll.

Mayor Giuliani shows up to put an apple on the Christmas tree, then gets in on a few pictures with Dave, Paul, and two audience members. Also, hockey great Gordie Howe calls Dave.

During a ""New for Christmas"" segment, Biff is nearly injured by a motorized hula hoop; Neve Campbell promotes ""Scream.""

Dave hugs a male audience member; fake snow falls on the backdrop, then on the audience; Darlene Love (featuring Bette Sussman) continues her holiday tradition of singing ""Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home).""

Midway through Dave's interview with ""Michael"" star John Travolta, the buxom president of John's fan club gets a hug and an autograph.

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John Popper of Blues Traveler sits in, while Biff gives dating tips.

Calvert DeForest is live at Times Square as the show is taped hours earlier. Tom Arnold appears again on New Year's Eve, this time without Roseanne.

Calvert DeForest is live at Times Square as the show is taped hours earlier; Tom Arnold appears again on New Year's Eve, this time without Roseanne; Biff gets scissors from Dave to get rid of the Cabbage Patch doll chewing on his ear; Kamarr the Discount Magician tries in vain to impress the audience.

Dave introduces an audience member named Tara to Alec Baldwin; Dave shows a drawing of him in a 70's-era leisure suit; from the hit Broadway revival ""Chicago,"" Bebe Neuwirth and Ann Reinking perform ""And All That Jazz.""

During CBS Mailbag, a viewer asks what Dave did for New Year's. Dave flashes back to a wild night with a bunch of fabulous babes, while Paul brings him back to earth, and Dave flashes back to a night spent at the laundromat drinking Tide.

BB King sits in; Dave accidentally tears up the Top Ten blue card, so he reads the list via teleprompter; Tracey Ullman promotes her new HBO show, ""Tracey Takes On...""

Dave swipes Tony's gum, which he had tried to hide on top of one of the cameras. Also, Rupert of Hello Deli is pitted against Amando of Stage Deli in a little competition called ""The King of Meats."" It was a close battle throughout, but Amando ends up victorious.

Dave fondly looks back at the one-year anniversary of ""El Blizzardo,"" then does a spit take with Windex®. Also, Woody Harrelson plugs hemp products and The People vs. Larry Flint.

Dave sends an audience babe out to get some snow, and throughout the night the show is interrupted by a three-way snowball war between Dave, Inky and Anton.

An audience member celebrating her birthday dances onstage; Inky threatens to throw a rock at Dave; Dave chats with a nine-year-old girl that delivered her baby brother in a stuck elevator; Inky settles his differences and dances with Kim the audience girl.

Dave deems the show to be such a success that he announces the production of four spin-offs, ""Rupert Touches Meat,"" ""Leonard's Candid Camera,"" ""Kenny's Baywatch"" (with the stagehands running in slow motion), and ""Late Show with Carlos Huaycaga.""

It's time for another Late Show experiment: ""Who Will Get Kicked Out of TGIF's Sooner, a Shirtless Guy or a Guy with Ten Dogs?"" Answer: the shirtless guy. Later, Dave instructs Chris from the audience to negotiate with TGIF (where he works), and soon enough, everyone is allowed inside.

Dave shows QVC footage of a Cabbage Patch Bill Clinton doll eating French fries; Actor Chris O'Donnell does a Stupid Human Trick; the drama class from Calhoun High School re-enacts the first half of the show.

Paul shows a clip of his new home video ""The Late Show Made Easy,"" while ""Know Your Cuts of Meat"" makes its debut on ""Know Your Current Events.""

It's an ""All Kevin Spectacular"" as Kevin Kline, Kevin Sorbo, and Kevin Brennan guest on the show. The closing credits on the show include all staffers named Kevin (Kevin Burnett, Kevin Foley, Kevin Gaines, Kevin Mulligan [actually the name of Gerard's son], and so on).

Alan interrupts the monologue to comment on yesterday's Packers-Patriots Super Bowl; an audience member receives Dave's autograph; Calvert reports from New Orleans, where football fans are still celebrating after yesterday's championship.

Biff presides over another segment of ""What They Would Have Had for Lunch If They Were Still Alive."" Tonight, Lorne Greene: ""a BLT."" Also, Tony Williams sits in on drums, while Dave introduces Paul as ""Little Jimmy Dickens.""

Dave calls up an audience guy to meet Tori Amos, but he has to frisk him first.

Dave shows a promo of ""Rupert Jee's Private Parts,"" a spoof of the upcoming Howard Stern movie. Amongst those who participate in this parody are Rupert, Leonard, and ""Paul Shaffer as ‘David Letterman.'""

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Dave celebrates a decade and a half in late night television by introducing some of his favorite Stupid Human Tricks. Later, he chats with basketball star Charles Barkley.

In honor of the re-release of the entire Star Wars trilogy, Dave moves his coffee mug with a little help from ""the force""; Billy Bob Thornton promotes his Academy Award-nominated film Sling Blade; the acrobatic Tokyo Stunt Boys bomb in their first (and ultimately only) American television performance.

Flugelhorn great Al Chez sits in with the band, while Leonard appears in a educational film about the First Thanksgiving.

Know Your Current Events: Dave promises an audience participant named Brian (who Dave keeps calling ""Larry"") that if he can kick a field goal outside, he can sit onstage. Brian hits the field goal post at 20 yards and wins his onstage seat.

Mailbag: Paul appears in a commercial for ""Uncle Dave's Non-Alcoholic Gin."" Also, Dave and Green Bay Packers QB Brett Farve throw footballs into cabs, and David Spade promotes his new sitcom, ""Just Shoot Me.""

In a remote featuring Dave talking to various fan club presidents, a swordfight breaks out between the ""Cats"" and ""Star Wars"" fans. Also, Bob Borden professes his love to a disturbed Martha Stewart.

Dave ponders another one of his deep thoughts: ""How Long Can a Guy Spin a Revolving Door Before Somebody Stops Him?"" It takes 40 minutes and 6 seconds before security escorts the man out.

Throughout the night, Biff, Pat and Kenny recreate scenes from Academy Award-nominated films, including ""The English Patient"" and ""Jerry McGuire."" The gag comes to an abrupt end when, while attempting to spoof ""Secrets and Lies,"" they can't find anybody who saw the film.

Dave brags that he had an incredible Valentine's Day last year, until Paul persuades him to admit that he spent it watching TV with an amorous Leonard. Also, the Jazz Passengers (featuring Deborah Harry and Elvis Costello) perform ""Doncha Go 'Way Mad.""

Marv Albert is credited with six seperate appearances tonight, thus raising his total on the show to an even one hundred. Later, Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, promotes her new cookbook.

Two weeks before, NBC denied Dave permission to use clips from his old show. So tonight, Tom Brokaw arrives and offers Dave a crumpled-up videotape from Late Night with David Letterman. Also, Dave shows a faux-documentary short called ""Dave's Family Weekend"" (with Andrea as his sister and Leonard as Mr. Rogers).

The outside cam goes to Joe G's to launch production of the quickie movie ""Space Volcano""; Bruce Willis murders Mujibur and Sirajul; Demi Moore shows up with 15 dogs as a gift for Dave, and later the mutts storm the control room.

Throughout the night, various civilians tell jokes about their jobs, while Dave admits that he has fallen in love with this year's Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

The latest edition of ""Leonard Tepper's Hidden Video"" takes place entirely at Hello Deli, while ""Cosby"" star Doug E. Doug does standup.

Frequent CBS Mailbag contributor Jerry Scales appears in the audience and is given a roast chicken made of Nyquil. Also, Tony Randall talks about becoming a parent for the first time.

On the three-year anniversary of his memorable first appearance on the Late Show, super-bowler Dick Weber rolls one strike after another out on 53rd Street. Later, he and Bill Cosby go one-on-one on the specially-built lane, with Weber decimating the sitcom star.

James Cotton sits in; while pedestrians footrace against each other over on 54th and Broadway.

Leonard Tepper is live at Madison Square Garden, annoying participants at this year's Grammy Awards. He closes the segment by calling Dave a jackass.

Dave shows outtakes of Leonard's Grammy report, and then gets thrown out of a taping of ""Wheel of Fortune"" by a security guard resembling Bill DeLace.

Trumpeter Al Chez sits in; the ""First Annual Biff Henderson Award"" goes to a much-serving Biff; Randy Newman and Lyle Lovett perform ""You've Got a Friend In Me.""

Dave comments on ""El Blizzardo Diablo,"" a raining snowstorm that practically has New York City in a standstill. Also, Dave and Paul participate in a cutthroat battle of putdowns towards each other.

Dave points out that the wet snow of yesterday's ""El Blizzardo Diablo"" has already melted and/or evaporated. Also, Adam Arkin promotes the upcoming made-for-TV movie Not In This Town.

During ""Rejected Commercial Characters,"" jokes are translated for a select audience onstage from English to Japanese.

Bluesman Keb' Mo sits in; Dave and Paul shill a new sleeping enhancer called EclipseQuil; ""pyrotechnic madman"" Ray Wold blows up stuff and somehow avoids burning himself.

CBS Mailbag: Jerry Scales asks, ""What do viewers miss?"" Gerard Mulligan comes out in costume as ""A 50-year-old guy dressed like Zorro."" Also, The Biff Henderson Players present ""Send in the Clones.""

Sean Pelton sits in for Anton, while Howard Stern promotes his new movie.

The camera fixates on a guy in the audience with a gigantic gut with DAVE written on it. Also, Martin Short does another musical number, with a final note so extended that he leaves the stage, goes to the bank, buys a sandwich at Hello Deli, picks up his dry cleaning, and returns to the theater just in time for the big climax.

The Late Show Current Events Singers take on Clinton's recent leg injury, then performs some sort of a cappella apology to Cindy Crawford.

Today's burning question: ""How Many Guys in Bunny Suits Can Get into a Coffee Shop?"" All 23 guys that volunteered get in, and they are later joined by a geeky audience member from Georgia, who is later carried back to the stage by the bunnies.

In honor of his birthday, former president Thomas Jefferson is seen skydiving over the city, followed shortly by William McKinley and Paul Shaffer.

Dave announces that today is Tony Mendez' 60th birthday, even though he's only 52; Dave orders Anton to fetch him some coffee; a man-on-the-street segment dissects tonight's ""Top Ten Easter Bunny Pet Peeves.""

Mailbag: Alan has an announcer sitting in with him, only to realize he's not his intern but his willing replacement. Meanwhile, Academy Award winner Billy Bob Thornton (live via satellite) presents the Top Ten.

Songwriter Jimmy Webb sits in, and throughout the night the band plays his songs; Dave shows a tape of Rob Burnett's daughter being scared to death by Daddy as the Easter Bunny; Dave tells a story about how he spent his Easter with Nadine Hennelly, but as usual Paul coerces him into telling the sad, awful truth.

Dave calls a pay phone on Broadway, and then calls in a guy from Jersey named Rocky to tell the first ""Mets suck"" joke of the season. Also, Biff gives a pep talk to some grade-school students.

A man claiming to be Paul's brother Kenny sits in the audience, while amateur dentist David Kriuthoff fidgets with a special camera that can go inside the mouth.

""Colin Dunner"" (Gerard), the lead dancer in the Broadway hit ""Riverdance"" promotes his new videotape ""Riverdancin' to the Oldies."" Also, Will Lee demonstrates how to play a guitar like a piano.

Mailbag: a man on the street is decapitated by a giant, renegade blue card. Also, Pat Farmer introduces his new segment ""Live Action Editorial Cartoon."" Tonight's piece: ""Busting the Budget.""

Dave says he's discovered he's been combing his hair wrong, so he fidgets with it throughout the show. Also, Zahshu, the ""World's Only Performing Hippo,"" rolls over and begs.

""How Many Guys in a Bunny Suit Can Get Into H&R Block?"" Only two, until both are kicked out. Right after the first commercial break, Biff then tries to get in wearing a dog suit and, despite being escorted by Bill DeLace, is also ejected. When all is said and done, Dave announces the tax company's new slogan: ""And stay out!""

In a running gag that was started two nights before (in homage to something that appeared occasionally on Late Night), Zahshu, ""The World's Only Performing Goldfish,"" develops a severe case of stage fright. At the end of the show, he is removed from his fishbowl and is placed on top of a skateboard.

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Champion weightlifter Magnus Vermagnusson lifts various objects, including Mujibur and Sirajul; Dave comments on his upcoming 50th birthday; Zhushi ""The World's Only Performing Dog"" is the latest animal to stand on stage in lieu of attempting some sort of stunt.

Marv Albert interviews accountants, then shows a blooper real along side it; Dave notices that Tony is holding cue cards with gloves on; ""Pat Farmer's Live-Action Political Cartoon"" takes a swipe at President Clinton.

Dave finds a patron named Bob Reedy, in Joe G's Pizza to star in another fake film epic, the Anaconda spoof ""Snakequest 2000."" Quote Dave: ""For the love of god, it's a giant snake!""

Allen Toussant sits in; Dave announces that in honor of the recent media hoopla over Ellen DeGeneres, the Late Show will now be ""more gay""; Wilco performs ""Someone Else's Song.""

Biff announces that if Lyndon Johnson were alive today, he would've had a roast beef sandwich for lunch. Also, The Verve Pipe performs ""The Freshman.""

On a special Indianapolis-themed night on the Late Show, Dorothy interrupts a comedy bit to give Dave a hug, while Reggie Miller presents the Top Ten.

Rupert Jee drops by to make an important announcement: ""America, I am a lesbian."" This inspires Regis to walk over and give him a hug.

Dave shows a clip from the latest Charlie Brown Special: Charlie Brown declares, ""I think I'm a lesbian."" Also, two dorky audience members help wash a cab outside the theater, then get hosed down by the NYFD.

It's ""Awards Night"" on the Late Show, as throughout the night Biff presents Gordie Howe with the Stanley Cup, Walter Payton with the Super Bowl Trophy, Bobby Allison with the Harley J. Earle Trophy, Kareem Abdul Jabbar with the Larry O'Brien Trophy, Alec Baldwin with the World Series Trophy, and Tony Mendez with the Best Cue Card Boy Trophy. Also, Alec announces on the in-theater PA system that he's a lesbian.

Wendy Liebman discusses mammograms, while Luke Perry rappels off the side of the theater.

In honor of tonight's audience (all residents of St. Louis and its suburbs), the backdrop is altered to show the city's skyline; Dave shows live footage of the Mets/Cardinals game in progress at Shea Stadium; Roseanne arrives for her interview on a Clydesdale-driven sleigh.

Dave dumps the show early yet again, and after searching high and low in Manhattan, Biff finally finds him demonstrating knife tricks at Benihana's.

""How Many Guys in Bunny Suits Can Get into a Fountain?"" Only about six, as the men in costume are thrown out of Central Park by the NYPD. After the first commercial break, John Goodman lunges into the fountain. Also, Hanson performs ""MmmBop.""

Tony Mendez does the Watusi; Biff announces that if Burt Lancaster were alive today, he would've had cream of mushroom soup and a tuna fish sandwich for lunch; stuntmen Ross and Elisa Hartzell shoot crossbow arrows at each other.

Rupert stars in a parody of those financial-success tapes that they sell in infomercials, while Kirsten Johnston promotes the 3-D season finale of Third Rock from the Sun.

With tonight's audience being from the Twin Cities, Dave makes them feel at home by having a faux snow fall in the theater. Also, the Top Ten home office is temporarily relocated to nearby Edina, Minnesota (and is presented by Twins great Kirby Puckett), while Calvert takes a tour of Minneapolis.

Tonight, Dave promises to show things that have never been on television before, including Marv Albert dancing with a giant squirrel, a gay man kissing a lesbian, and Biff playing solitaire topless. Also, Grover Washington, Jr. sits in, while Dave and Rupert do another one of their hidden-mic gags.

Dancers from Riverdance make a return appearance on the show. Actually, they're staff writers Gerard Mulligan and Eric Kaplan, Leonard Tepper, and financial wiz/Dave buddy Jim Peterson. Soon after, Robin Williams walks in from Broadway in a similar toe-tappin' style.

In honor of Late Show's 800th episode, Dave introduces ""Where Are They Now?"" pieces describing the whereabouts of Bernie Kopell, Howie Mandel, Olivia Newton-John, and Bill Clinton. Also, the Spice Girls perform ""Who Do You Think You Are.""

Late Show airs its second and last installment of Peanuts, as Lucy once again foils Charlie Brown's attempt to kick a football: ""Never mess around with a gangsta bitch.""

With tonight's audience representing Denver, Colorado, Dave interrupts the monologue to introduce an audience guy who ends up proposing to his girlfriend. Later in the show, Jeff Goldblum gives the happy couple a blender.

Biff brings out a Billy goat that supposedly won the Kentucky Derby last weekend; Dave leaves the show to play for the New York Yankees, then goes on a half-hearted tirade when he's cut by the team; ""Leonard Tepper's Mile-High Hidden Video"" observes unsuspecting tourists at the World Trade Center.

After showing past clips of disastrous attempts at stuffing guys in rabbit outfits inside various locales, Dave announces that it's time to play ""How Many Sailors Can Get into a New York City Chicken Restaurant?"" With the nearby Ranch 1 offering their services, a whopping 68 sailors walk in without a problem. Also, Dave chats with Ida Doggett, 1997 world bed-making champion.

It's time yet again for ""What They Would Have for Lunch if They Were Alive Today"" with Biff Henderson. The celebrity: Dean Martin. The lunch: mac n' cheese.

""Steven Spielberg"" (Gerard) brags out his new movie The Lost World, while Savion Glover performs a tap dance solo from the hit musical ""Stomp.""

Mailbag: a horrific freak accident turns Rupert into the mysterious ""Dr. Meat."" Also, Jason Alexander promotes Love! Valour! Compassion!

Remote on the 14th Floor: Late Show staffers Eric Stangel, Matt Roberts, Bob Borden, Rodney Munoz, Christian Breheney, and Eric Kaplan relate their Prom Nightmares while eating in the coffee room, with dramatizations that include Rupert Jee and Richard Simmons.

Customer Bob Barrett from Joe's Pizza is invited into the theater to act in the monster movie spectacular ""Ghost Dinosaur '97,"" co-starring Mujibur and Sirajul as ""Dinosaur #1"" and ""Dinosaur #2.""

The squash family is represented tonight by a visit from Elaine Cunningham, ""The Zucchini Lady""; Bill Cosby talks about his various medications.

No description available.

Promoting an upcoming TV special, Farrah Fawcett walks out in a boozy daze, complimenting Dave for the view of the skyline when it's really a backdrop, then crawls around and makes animal noises. At the end of the show, Dave thanks Farrah for ""almost being here tonight.""

Biff reports from the NBA Finals in Salt Lake City; Dave makes his usual joke about buying his first car at Harrison Ford in Indiana; Dave Matthews Band performs ""Too Much.""

Dave shows an altered clip of President Clinton admitting his dislike for cloning, and later Dave is once again visited by ""the lovely Is-a-bella Ros-sell-ini.""

Dave turns the hose on pedestrians outside the theater; Jaleel ""Urkel"" White helps ""Les Moonves"" promote CBS' fall lineup; Seven Mary Three performs ""Lucky.""

Tom Brokaw explains why he turned down an offer to leave NBC for CNN: ""Same as you with CBS: more money, smaller audience."" Also, Sheryl Crow performs ""A Change (Will Do You Good).""

Mailbag: ""Farrah Fawcett"" (Calvert) explains her behavior from last week. Also, Kenny ""The Quick-Witted Stagehand"" Sheehan makes his 1000th TV appearance, which is followed by footage of his (bogus) television debut on Ed Sullivan in 1964.

Paul is introduced as ""Radu,"" then shows Dave a Happy Meal toy that looks just like him. Also, Dave hides in an apartment, harassing delivery people as they come and go.

A new challenge: ""Who Can Hail a Cab First""- a pantsless Mets fan or a pantless Yankees fan? For once, the Mets win the big one.

Dave gives an audience woman a ham just for being Polish; several members of the cast of Cats go inside FlashDancers; Alan Kalter promotes ""Late Show: The Game""; The Mighty Mighty Bosstones perform ""The Impression That I Get.""

Julia Roberts is treated to a clip of her first appearance on Letterman from 1990, only to watch the clip blackened out by NBC. Also, Jon Bon Jovi performs ""Janie, Don't Take Your Love to Town.""

""Riverdancers"" Gerry Mulligan, Mike McIntee, Eric Kaplan, and Jim Peterson amaze and delight the studio audience and the home viewers in response to a letter in the CBS Mailbag.

Anton is introduced as ""Anton Zip""; Dave shows the audience a chart of who's permitted to be on the show and who isn't; in tonight's remote, Dave goes to a private school in Manhattan to chat with child prodigies.

The outside cam heads to Joe G's looking for a guy to write a theme song for, where they stumble across Brian and his girlfriend. Also, Dave takes the audience outside to watch Motley Crue perform on the sidewalk.

It's 91 degrees outside, so Biff decides to watch ice melt on the street.

A flying saucer heckles Dave from the backdrop, while Dyan Cannon promotes Out to Sea and makes friendly with Dave.

Dave declares a guy named Jeff as ""Captain of the Audience,"" helping the host out with menial tasks such as helping present the Top Ten and keeping the audience awake. Also, film director Robert Zemeckis makes a rare television appearance, promoting his new movie Contact.

Bowling great Dick Weber sits in with the band; Calvert kicks someone in the nether regions for the shear fun of it; Dave and Paul trade faces.

Dave gets two girls at a nearby cafe to help celebrate Canada Day with Canada Dry®, which gets delivered by a Mountie; to continue a running gag started the previous night, bowler Johnny Petraglia sits in; various staffers describe clips from America's Funniest Home Videos.

During the ""Supermarket Finds"" segment, Dave takes a sample of something called ""White Fungus"" and spits it out; another bowling great (Marshall Holman) sits in with the band on tambourine; Dave chats with Mitchell Libonati, the man who found the piece of Evander Holyfield's ear that was chewed off in the infamous boxing match that previous weekend; Blur performs ""Song 2.""

Dave talks about the a new unauthorized autobiography of Martha Stewart; tonight's guest bowler is Hall of Famer Carmen Salvino; Dave appears in a 50's-style cigarette ad; Evander Holyfield gives Dave his account of the incident that occurred in his fight last weekend with Mike Tyson.

Pro bowler Nelson Burton, Jr. sits in; during Mailbag, Tom Arnold bits his own ear off; Manny the Hippie resurfaces; for the second year in a row, Dave sends audience members from San Francisco to the Empire State Building to display the US flag.

Dave shows off his new, shorter haircut; an audience member sings the theme song from Grease; Tim Allen presents the Top Ten.

It's a balmy 97 degrees outside, so Biff fries an egg on the sidewalk, later adding bacon and toast.

Dave interviews NYC taxi driver Querbe Tirmizi, who returned $30,000 he found in his cab.

Dave begins a month-long campaign to run into the ground his current favorite phrase: ""Something from the meat case, Linda?"" Also, Dave, Tony Randall, and a dozen or so triple-named child actors star in CBS' hot new situation comedy ""The Letterman Family.""

No description available.

Dave congratulates Paul on being #6 on the Forbes 500; Biff and Eric Kaplan explain how they make Dave's coffee mug levitate; Sean ""Puff Daddy"" Combs, Faith Evans, and 112 perform ""It's All About the Benjamins.""

It's time once again for ""King of the Meats,"" the mano-a-mano kosher competition between Rupert of Hello Deli and Amando Vasquez of the nearby Stage Deli. Amando sweeps the three rounds, but Rupert goes home with the ladies.

Harrison Ford reports from Hawaii; in the debut edition of ""Pointless Celebrity Cameo Theater,"" Calvert, Regis, and Tony Randall stand around like goons while the audience cheers them on; Radish (a band fronted by an early Ben Kweller) perform ""Little Pink Stars.""

The Harrison Ford World Tour (in which he's promoting The Devil's Own) makes a stop in Paris, France; Dave suggests the Paul legally change his name to ""Radu""; CBS anchorman/folkie at heart Dan Rather sings ""The Wabash Cannonball.""

During ""CBS Mailbag,"" we look into a day in the life of a ""Accident-Prone Blood-Gorged Tick"" (Leonard Tepper).

It's so hot outside that Biff tries to start a fire on the sidewalk with a magnifying glass and a bundle of sticks, as members from New York's Fire Department stand by; Rupert and Leonard bother people per Dave's requests; Jennifer Aniston promotes Picture Perfect.

Dave gets four galpals from West Virginia to go on a tour of the city with Biff; Physilla Rashad promotes her sitcom Cosby; Jamiroquai performs the #1 hit ""Virtual Insanity.""

Dave congratulates Rob Burnett upon the birth of his daughter; a ""What's On Other Channels"" bit is interrupted by a car honking, courtesy of Creepy Dave; David Byrne performs ""Daddy Go Down.""

John Popper sits in with the band; Dave asks a paramedic about a piece of carrot he ""horked"" into his left lung during lunch today; Julia Roberts promotes Conspiracy Theory.

Dave shows some ""Surprising Facts About Celebrities."" Later, Tony Danza promotes his new sitcom.

Dave presents a Wall Street quiz; Bob Dole talks about retirement.

Deliberately-obvious stunt doubles pose as Dave and Paul showing off their bike skills, while Dave carves a sculpture of Paul made from butter; a man claiming to be Garth Brooks is interrogated on ""The Biff Henderson Celebrity Telephone Interview.""

Jay Thomas shows Dave a tape of himself spitting out something during a recent television appearance. The footage is repeated several times.

Joe Perry of Aerosmith sits in with the band; Biff reports from the Garth Brooks concert in Central Park and meets ""Garth"" himself (Leonard Tepper).

The new sitcom ""The Letterman Family"" is promoted, starring Dave, Tony Randall, and Nadine Hennally. Later, Demi Moore shaves an audience member's head.

Dave feeds Tom Selleck some avocados. Later, they make a crank phone call to Al Roker.

Barbara Walters promotes her new talk show, ""The View.""

Dave compares President Clinton's 51st birthday to meatloaf. Later, he chats with his old friend Jeff Altman.

""The Donald"" talks about a recent boat trip. Later, Janine Turner promotes ""Leave It To Beaver.""

Alicia Silverstone promotes her new movie Excess Baggage.

Dave announces that he is starring in the ""Late Show of Passion,"" which is just like the Late Show, except that it's dubbed so it looks like a telenovela. Later, Dave and Joe Montana throw footballs at a garbage truck.

No description available.

Tonight's Top Ten is interrupted by a phone call from the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska: ""It's not all that funny anymore."" Meanwhile, Biff wreaks havoc in Martha's Vineyard.

Dave complains about the dog days of summer.

Warren is run over by a car; during ""Stupid Human Tricks,"" Douglas Pierce plays the ""Jeopardy"" theme on his hands; Dave bids a fond farewell to head writer Bill Scheft.

Dave shows highlights from the annual Labor Day staff cookout on 53rd Street; Terry Bradshaw and stagehand Corky Ramirez both inexplicably break into song.

Warren is caught watching tennis on TV; Dave harasses teen talk show host John Hall; Beck performs ""Devil's Haircut.""

Viewers at home receive the rare opportunity to see the new audience orientation tape (starring Leonard Tepper). Later, Fiona Apple performs ""Criminal.""

No description available.

On Warren's last night filling in for Paul, he receives a ""Deputy of Comedy"" badge. Later, Sugar Ray performs ""Fly.""

Paul returns from filming ""Blues Brothers 2000"" with a shaved head. Meanwhile, Dave, Biff, Regis, Al Roker, and Bob Barker harass people in Central Park.

Dave calls the pay phone island outside so that an unsuspecting tourist could participate in a comedy skit. When nobody picks up a phone, Dave goes on the street and invites a guy from Vermont to perform a musical number with Tony Randall.

Dave is so fascinated by Paul's shaved head (introduced last night) that he has to talk about it at the beginning of the show.

Paul writes a song for a trucker who participated in ""Know Your Current Events,"" while Dave chats with WNBA MVP Cynthia Cooper.

Dave chats with CBS star ""Steve Urkel"" (Gerard), while Star Jones plugs ""The View.""

Dave listens to the philosophies of second-graders in ""Dave Talks to Kids""; George Clooney promotes ""The Peacemaker.""

Biff delivers a housewarming gift to a Hooters franchise that just opened, and they send back buffalo wings. Later, an NBC nurse tends to Nicole Kidman's cold.

Dave discusses aerosol cheese with last minute guest Chef Michael Lomonaco who says, ""It's great when you're driving, actually. You get a little squirt when you're driving.""

Richard Simmons interupts ""Know Your Current Events""; Drew Carey presents ""Top Ten Signs You Work in a Bad Office""; 7-year-old Jonathan Lipnicki promotes his new sitcom, ""Meego.""

In a return to the popular theme nights of yore, the entire LATE SHOW audience consists of freshmen from NYU. During the show, Candice Bergen presents a special college-themed Top Ten list.

Dave shows some of his favorite remotes, segments, and comedy clips from the first four years of ""The Late Show.""

Bob Borden finally gets to meet Jaleel ""Urkel"" White, while Paul composes a musical number about pastries that resemble celebrities.

Dave gives a local named Tom Worzall ten seconds of air time, then chats with Wonderbra model Sarah O'Hare.

Cameron Diaz promotes ""A Life Less Ordinary,"" while the famed contortionist Veniamin does a demonstration.

Dave comments on the Yankees playoff chances, then chats with new ""Today"" co-host Matt Lauer.

Dave shows (bogus) NASA footage of Mir; the Dutch Mariachis sing ""Happy Birthday"" to Biff.

Dave and Paul visit the ""International Hair Forum""; Dan Aykroyd promotes ""Soul Man"" and plays the harmonica.

Joe G. stars in the new crime drama ""Joey Ventura,"" and clips from the show are scattered throughout the night; Dave gives Paul crap for bumping into a cameraman; Bryant Gumbel promotes his soon-to-debut news program.

Dave watches leaves turn and nails dry, and an audience member's receives and smokes his first cigar.

Throughout the night, Leonard plugs his new show, ""Leonard Tepper's Hidden Video."" Later, Jim Belushi promotes ""Total Security.""

""Dr."" Bill DeLace comments on seasonal allergies; Mark Wahlberg promotes ""Boogie Nights.""

1997: Stagehand and accomplished thespian Kenny Sheehan is seen in clips from ""The Today Show,"" ""Guiding Light,"" ""Cosby,"" ""The People's Court,"" and ""Spin City.""

After Dave shows clips of past bunny antics, the Late Show presents ""How Many Guys in Bunny Suits Can Get in the Times Square Disney Store?"" The answer: Three. Later, Stevie Starr shows Dave the magic of forcing yourself to regurgitate.

Paul introduces this year's National League champions, the Atlanta Braves, until Dave tells him that the Florida Marlins actually won. Later, Carly Simon and Jimmy Webb perform a duet.

Dave presents ""The Story Behind the Story: The Rolling Stones,"" which looks at the dramatic and emotionally draining production of a ""Behind the Music""-type show.

WCBS-TV presents a skit about a pancake that looks like Paul. Later, Robert Pastorelli promotes his new drama ""Cracker.""

Dave shows (bogus) footage of businessmen jumping out of windows on Wall Street; we take a look at ""What Dave Did with the Extra Hour from Standard Time""; Mariah Carey sings ""Butterfly.""

Following yesterday's sell-off on Wall Street, Dave shows footage of deceased stockbrokers ascending back through windows after today's market recovery. Later, Penn and Teller perform a new trick.

Biff plays ""Let's Scare the Crap Out of Rupert Jee,"" while Dave interviews Bobby Bonilla of the World Series Champion Florida Marlins.

Lee Marek helps Dave out with a sextet of Kid Scientists.

In honor of the new movie ""Boogie Nights,"" Dave shows bogus clips of Paul and Nadine Hennelly in 70's-era porno films. Meanwhile, Tony impresses Dave with his clown costume.

Dave shows a picture of production associate Tara Callahan, who ran in the New York Marathon; John Travolta plugs Face-Off; Martin Short appears for exactly thirty seconds.

1997: We go to Joe G.'s in search of a political candidate, and we find an unsuspecting patron named Lee Holt. Later in the show, Lee becomes the subject of a hastily-produced attack ad.

Dave, Paul, Alan, Calvert, and Anton (as ""Buddy"") star in ""Late Show: The Movie."" Also, Rudy Guiliani (poorly) disguises himself as a audience member in the latest edition of ""Who Asked For It?""

Dave shows a fake ad for a PBS documentary about the band KISS. Later, a lady in the audience who Dave accidentally threw a blue card near is now wearing a cervical collar.

Casey Kasem introduces the ""Late Show Chair of Mystery."" Also, BB King and Tracy Chapman perform a soulful duet.

""Master Mentalist"" Pat Farmer does a demonstration on Kenny Sheehan; singer-restaurateur Naomi Judd cooks a family recipe for Dave.

Dave makes a bad phone call for an audience member, then comments on Marv Albert's legal troubles.

The greatest six minutes in Late Show history: When the Top Ten card is missing, Dave runs out of the theater, is hit by a cab, runs into Al Roker, and goes into Flashdancers and takes the card off one of the strippers. Shortly afterwards, Paul, missing his sheet music for the Top Ten, runs out of the theater, is hit by a tour bus, runs into Regis Philbin, and goes into the NY Stock Exchange, where he finds his sheet music on the floor. Just as Dave begins the Top Ten, Biff is missing his headset, so he runs out of the theater, is hit by a police horse, runs into Gavin MacLeod, and goes into a Burger King to grab a headset off a sales clerk. When he finally returns, there is no time left for the Top Ten.

Live from the Edwards Air Force Base, Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton race to earn the title of ""World's Fastest Movie Star."" Also, Bill Murray plugs ""The Man Who Knew Too Little.""

During Mailbag, Gerard performs a Broadway-style number about the possibility of him getting fired. Also, Heather Graham plugs ""Boogie Nights.""

Dave plugs the new CD ""Live on Letterman,"" then goes door-to-door offering to rake leaves.

It's another ""Quarterback Challenge"" as Pittsburgh Steelers field general Kordell Stewart and Dave aim footballs at a water tower across the street from the Ed Sullivan Theater.

Dave (supposedly) calls the Butterball Turkey Handling Hotline, while two mailmen (Leonard and Gerard) present a U.S. Post Office-sanctioned message about on-the-job safety.

Tony Mendez interrupts Dave, pointing out that he's missing a cue card. It turns out it was with Tony Randall all along.

Dave shows a (bogus) ad for a Clinton phone sex hotline, while Kirstie Alley plugs ""Veronica's Closet.""

Paul leaves the show to hosts his own spinoff chatfest; comedian Bill Irwin; the cast of ""Stomp"" performs.

Dave brings in cab driver Carlos Andrede, who becomes the master of ceremonies in the hastily-produced ""Carlos Andrede Thanksgiving Day Parade,"" featuring performances from Miss New York 1998 and the Rutgers University Marching Band.

A high school marching band from Memphis storms through the audience after ""Know Your Current Events.""

It's time for another call to Dave's mom to play ""Guess the Pies""; tonight, she's baked coconut butterscotch pecan pie and cherry pie as well as a sculpted head of Dave made of stuffing. Also, George Clarke starts singing to the new live CD.

During Mailbag, Dave bags groceries. Also, in spoof of those high-related FOX specials, Dave and Paul reveal one of the magician's secrets.

Grover Washington, Jr. sits in; Dave shows a Sing and Snore Ernie that he bought yesterday, and it's head tragically comes off with blood gushing out; Dave and Heisman Trophy candidate Peyton Manning go one-on-one in the latest Late Show QB Challenge.

No description available.

No description available.

The outside cam reveals Buddy (Bill Clinton's dog) trying to get inside Hooters. Also, Nathan Lane sings a brief song about Hanukkah.

During Mailbag, Dave and Paul give birth to septuplets. Also, child actor Alex D. Linz plugs ""Home Alone 3.""

Dave and Tony go to Giants Stadium so Tony can be a kicker, with a little help from Giants coach Jim Fassel, plus kickers Brad Daluiso and Danny Kanell; a man claiming to be the new president of Iran promotes the ""Live on Letterman"" CD; Tyra Banks shows Dave her $3 million bra.

A plastic Statue of Liberty, a giant meatball, and a pile of bagels are placed on top of the Late Show Christmas Tree. Later in the show, a preacher in the audience puts sauce on the meatball.

Dave annoys Paul with his impersonation of John Wayne speaking French: ""Bonjour, mon ami.""

Dave shows a (bogus) clip of him as a 50's-era child actor, while Biff receives Foster's Lager ® from an Australian audience member.

""James Bond"" (Tom Manino) comes up from the audience at Dave's insistance. Later in the show, Pierce Bronson and his doppleganger go one-on-one. Also, Paul wears his christmas present from Dave: a Jerry Springer-style wig.

In honor of the week's top-grossing film, Titanic, the stage floods with water. Also, Rupert introduces ""Rudolph, the Littlest Reindeer.""

It's ""Holiday Tradition Night"" on the Late Show: Another Darlene Love/Bette Sussman performance of ""Christmas (Baby Please Come Home),"" along with another Paul Shaffer impression of Cher's ""O Holy Night,"" not to mention another Late Show QB Challenge with Jay Thomas. Also, Biff goes to Queens to look for Santa.

During Mailbag, ""The Biff Henderson Celebrity Telephone Interview"" interrogates a man claiming to be Dick Clark. Later in the show, during Dave's interview with Anne Heche, Ellen Degeneres walks onstage with ""their"" baby (actually Michelle O'Callaghan's).

David Sanborn sits in; Ms. Markey's kindergarten kids in Bowie, MD each write an essay titled ""If I Could Have One Wish""; Bridget Fonda promotes ""Jackie Brown.""

Dave talks about his plans for New Year's.

Like he does every year, Dave regales us with another one of his far-fetched New Year's stories. After Leon Pendarvis brings him down to earth, Dave confesses that he and Biff celebrated by photocopying their face at Kinko's.

Leon's still here; a customer from Joe G's stars in the quickie movie ""Titanic: Death Boat ‘98""; the outside-cam reveals radioactive steam coming out of the Chrysler Building.

Recently deposed ""Weekend Update"" anchorman Norm MacDonald vents his anger to Dave; daredevil dance group Streb performs.

Marc Anthony and the Broadway cast members perform a song from Paul Simon's new musical ""The Capeman.""

CBS Mailbag: Chris Schmitt of Ottawa, Kansas asks why Biff has a scowl on his face. Biff comes onstage as a lobster is hooked on his backside. Later, Dave explains the formula for comedy success: ""Lobster + Ass = Funny!""

Mick Fleetwood sits in, and later he plays drums for tonight's musical guests, fellow Fleetwood Mac members Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham.

Mick Fleetwood sits in again, now joined by pianist Allen Toussaint. Also, tonight's ""May We See Your Photos, Please?"" is a surprising disappointment, as there was only one customer, and he was dropping off a roll of film.

""Dave Sucks"" is spray-painted onto the World Trade Center, while ""The Masked Magician"" (Pat Farmer) performs a dangerous trick on Kenny Sheehan.

Biff has hot towels for the audience, while the Spice Girls perform ""Stop.""

Mailbag: Biff stars in the Swedish sitcom knockoff ""Mjørk and Minde."" Also, famed session keyboardist Chuck Leavell sits in.

Dave finds three girls in the audience that have never slept with President Clinton; Bob Borden covers the Super Bowl, so Dave implies that Sparky Mortimer can actually get some studying done this year; for one night only, the Top Ten Office moves to Worchester, Pennsylvania; Dave chats with the Newsweek reporter that broke the Monica Lewinsky scandal.

Dave brings out his top intern Duane, who might be a Chippendale dancer on the side. Also, Dave complains about Late Show knockoffs and shows as an example ""The Simon Harvey Show"" from Australia. The host: Tony Randall.

John Popper sits in; Dave does the first of his many all-Clinton monologues.

Ruth Brown sits in, while Dave makes crepes with child cooking prodigy Justin Miller.

Paul performs a song promoting Tom Selleck's appearance next week, while Dave and Merrill Markoe pretend to flirt.

Throughout the week, guitarist Mike Campbell fills in for Felicia, who has the flu; Dave mentions that yesterday was the sixteenth anniversary of the debut of Late Night; Tom Arnold promotes his struggling, self-titled WB sitcom.

Anton introduced as Prince Randusi of Senegal; Mike Campbell is still here; ten interns present the Top Ten; John Goodman shows a clip of him jumping into a fountain pool.

Dan Aykroyd promotes Blues Brothers 2000, which, might I add, co-stars Paul Shaffer. Also, Duncan Sheik performs ""Everyone, Everywhere.""

Dave chats Pam Amba and ""Honeymoon,"" the pig that saved her life.

It's the opening of the Winter Olympics, so Dave announces miniature Ski-Jumping Dogs in the backdrop. Also, live via satellite, Dave chats with his mom in Nagano, Japan.

Throughout the night, ski-jumping dogs perform in the backdrop; Felicia returns; Dorothy Letterman makes her first report from Nagano.

Remote: Dave goes door-to-door in New Jersey again, this time to ask about the Winter Olympics. Also, to promote their new film, the reunited Blues Brothers Band (including Paul, Dan Aykroyd, John Goodman, and a twelve-year-old boy) perform ""Sweet Home Chicago.""

Jonny ""Big Air"" Moseley, Gold-medal winner for Mogul Skiing, shows off the large pieces of whitebread being served to the American Olympians.

While playing ""Know Your Current Events,"" a soon-to-be unemployed stewardess for United Airlines tells Dave, ""Passengers are our worst enemy."" Also, ten US Olympic hockey players present the Top Ten, while Dorothy interviews Kristi Yamaguchi, Jim Nantz, and K. C. Boutiette.

Live via satellite, it's Dave's mom at the Winter Olympics in Nagano, Japan, where she introduces a skiing monkey. She also presents the Top Ten.

Live via satellite in Nagano, Japan: Dorothy's feeling under the weather, Biff and his wife Carolyn chat with Winter Olympic athletes. Also, Tony shows us a cue card supposedly burned in an office fire that weekend, while Dale Earnhardt, Sr. presents the Top Ten.

Mike Myers chats with (live via satellite) his mother, while Dorothy interrogates Picabo Street.

Regis, Paul, Mujibur and Sirajul help Dave learn how to skate a la Kristi Yamiguchi, while Dave and Jerry Foley observe and interview ""Future Olympic Hopefuls.""

Almost halfway into the show, Dave suddenly leaves and gets into a cab that drives to Mexico, then San Francisco. Dave then boats across the Pacific, stops in Japan and sweeps the ice during an Olympic Curling competition in Nagano. Also in Nagano, Dorothy stumbles upon Bob Dole, while Biff searches for celebrity look-alikes.

In ""Day in New York City with Olympic Judges,"" the one female judge gives Dave's performance in bed a 2.8; during Stupid Pet Tricks, Biff demonstrates a trick he learned in Nagano; throughout the night, Jonny Moseley ski-jumps outside the theater on 53rd Street.

Paul Newman drops by to annoy Dave; outtakes from last week's ""Olympic Hopefuls"" piece are shown; Dave persuades a less-than-homesick Dorothy to go back to Indianapolis.

Dave points out that Rob Burnett made a cameo on last night's episode of Cosby; the editors of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue reveal that most of the photo shoot was done at the White House; Dave chats with Cammi Granato and Sarah Tueting of the gold medal-winning US women's hockey team.

David ""Fathead"" Newman sits in on sax; Bob Borden reports from the Grammys; Dave shows an ad for ""Saddam's Beret Bazaar.""

No description available.

No description available.

As usual, Dave cheats in his annual competition with the World Grocery Bagging Champion. This years' sucker: Frank Urbancic. Also, Dave shows a (bogus) clip of President Clinton skiing, then shows a preview of the upcoming CBS special ""Pat Farmer: Master Escape Artist"" (co-starring Kenny Sheehan).

In the latest ""Kid Scientists"" segment, Lee Marek and his prodigies demonstrate the concept of heat. Also, Richie Sambora performs ""All That Really Matters.""

Biff's latest celebrity interview involves a fat, bald guy claiming to be Leonardo DiCaprio.

Gerard hosts ""The Making of the Top Ten,"" a short documentary that reveals more about the writers' animosity towards Dave than the comedy bit that's being profiled. Also, Mark Chesnutt sings ""Useless.""

Mailbag: Dave and his bodyguard (Bill DeLace) have a falling out. Also, Dave chats with 12-year-old inventor/entrepreneur Richie Stachowski, creator of Water Talkies.

Dave wears glasses for the duration of the show (a sign of things to come); Sean Pelton fills in for Anton, whom Dave dubs ""Anton Zippy Stickwork;"" Wilford Brimley sits in ""Paul Shaffer's Chair of Mystery;"" Formula One racing star Alex Zanardi cooks.

It looks at first like the studio is being filled with green beer, but it turns out that one of the camera lenses have been tinted; ""Leonardo DiCaprio"" (Gerard) gloats over his newfound stardom; Dave chats with child actor Jack Johnson.

No description available.

No description available.

Dave shows a (bogus) ad for British Airways that is bursting with disclaimers; Laurie Diamond milks a cow backstage; another edition of ""Please Stop Calling Me Chief"" provides entertainment only to Dave; Charles Grodin acts remarkably hostile during his interview.

Biff hangs with the New York Yankees during Spring Training, while everybody in the audience gets free tickets to fly on British Airways.

Paul is introduced as ""Ramone Conde""; Dave introduces Mishi, the world record holder for smallest man alive, and later Mishi holds a kitty to demonstrate his miniscule size on camera; Helen Hunt (live via satellite) presents the Top Ten.

Paul is introduced as Al Roker; throughout the night, Pat Farmer throws basketballs from the roof and into a bathtub on 53rd Street; Dave complains that the balls are ""fruity""; Dave chats with a man who found $70,000 in a garbage can, then returned it to its rightful owner.

Biff reports on Yankees Spring Training, where he follows/stalks Paul O'Neill. Also, Steve Miller performs ""Fly Like An Eagle.""

Paul is introduced as Cubby O'Brien; Heather Graham meets The Guy on Fire; Alec Baldwin helps Heather in a weird April Fool's gag in which they sign off and wish everybody a good night a la Saturday Night Live.

Bruce Willis is live via satellite in Idaho from the set of his upcoming film ""Breakfast of Champions."" All night long he's inside a television monitor that bungee jumps off the roof, then gets dropped onto glass, a bathtub of pudding, and finally gets smashed from six stories onto the street. Also, Tom Brokaw gets annoyed by Dave and in mid-interview walks right back to 30 Rockefeller Center.

Tom Hanks interrupts the monologue because he and Dave are dressed alike; throughout the night, spelling bee champ Edmund Gillette stands next to Rob's desk and spells words; during Mailbag, Alan Kalter reacts badly to a letter asking if he's a freak by visiting the letter-writer (Jay Johnson) and punching in his face; Tom gets a new suit.

Dave appears in student films as a side income, while Bob Borden runs throughout the city searching for Leonardo DiCaprio.

Clint Black sits in; Dave comments on the hot new drug Viagra, then shows a bogus ad for The Teletubbies.

Throughout the night, Bob Borden tries to set off car alarms directly outside the theater; Dave announces that The Guy on Fire is willing to perform for $2700 a pop, though the guy will come out sans flames for only $700; Jim Belushi attempts singing a old Perry Como song.

After mentioning a minor disagreement from earlier today, Dave announces his ""blood feud"" with director Jerry Foley; Mujibur and Sirajul appear on Jerry Springer, and no one's surprise, beat the crap out of each other; Dave starts ostracizing all the people who support Jerry in the ongoing squabble; Alan Cumming and the cast of the Broadway revival of Caberet perform the opening number.

During CBS Mailbag, a viewer asks if Dave has any plans to air his show from the space shuttle. Somehow as a response, astronaut Buzz Aldrin is seen hitting golfballs on the theatre roof.

Dave announces the birth of Jerry Foley's son; after showing footage from last year of Rob Burnett unwittingly scaring his young daughter in a Easter Bunny suit, he tries on a different outfit with more or less the same results; Harmony Korine almost says something coherent while being interviewed about his new book, which he wouldn't particularly recommend, so Dave tells him to go back to his hotel and take a shower.

The Guy Not on Fire announces that he is now available for commercials and endorsements, and later in the show he is seen in an ad for Sizzler. Also, Danny DeVito comes out onstage twice to protest Dave's jokes about him being a car hood ornament.

The Guy Not on Fire appears in his first paid ad (for Elite Computers); a chat with Jason Alexander is interrupted by another inane special report by Alan Richardson; Steve Earle and the Dukes perform ""I Still Carry You Around.""

""Know Your Current Events"" is interrupted so that The Man Not on Fire can pitch the Biore® self-heating mask. Later in the show, Dave admits that he's on a guilt trip for bumping an audience member for the shameless plug.