Hardware (2003)

A group of men spend their working days at a small hardware shop insulting customers. When Mike insults a customer who then tries to commit suicide, he vows to be friendly and helpful.

Mike is annoyed by the gang's excitement over their new uniforms; at the same time, his girlfriend's mother comes to visit and attempts to seduce him.

Mike and his girlfriend try to enliven their sex life.

Mike's girlfriend tries to build a folding ironing board; Steve cuts off his finger.

The Gang decide that not enough women shop in their store, so begin selling more things that will appeal to the oppisite sex, but to many women start shooping at the store.

The Gang build a Rabbit Hutch and Rex's friends visit.

When the lads notice that Kenny's son bears no resemblance to his father, Kenny gets a DNA test done on his son. Meanwhile, the cafe's new licence to sell alcohol leads to plenty of extended drinking sessions for the shop's workforce.

In Big Foot, the lads in the shop take it upon their selves to wind up their irritable boss Rex, and Kenny and Steve try to convince him that he's becoming shorter with old age. At the Cafe, Julie's been liberated from her apron strings and takes time off to indulge in a singles holiday. Her replacement is Mike, who soon finds that mixing business with pleasure definitely isn't a recipe for success.

Anne's approached by an artist who specialises in the drawing of nude models, and is offered a hefty cash sum to be the subject of his next piece. At Hamway's, Rex realises, due to the impact of the price cuts at the infamous DIY superstore that his shop is fast losing money, and decides that someone has to go. And that someone is Kenny.

Bumbling loser and dispenser of the Adapti-tool Cliff drops into the shop in the hope of being able to set up a small booth to distribute his product and Mike, in a surprising moment of amiability, harangues Rex until he submits to Cliff's request. However, after a masterclass in how to sell his product from the effervescent Kenny, Cliff makes the transition from nice-guy-loser to rip-off-merchant in a short space of time, prompting Mike to regret his instant kindness. Meanwhile, Rex and Julie's dispute reaches boiling point.

Kenny and Mike start gay-bashing Steve after an effeminate man recognises him in the shop. Rex confesses his confusion about male homosexuality. Mike gets a DIY column in the local newspaper, but is quickly discouraged.

In this episode, a minor celebrity visits the Nice Day Cafe, and when his autograph is proudly displayed on the wall, it causes quite a stir. So much so that Anne and Julie decide to make the collection extensive without ever actually encountering any of the stars who's autographs they've acquired. Over at Hamway's, Mike's injured during a football match and he learns just how patronizing humans can be. Meanwhile, Steve takes time off to prepare for his all-important exams.